i'm back!!! :D

i finally got a taste of Japan, n boy, i am thankful for it. actually i mb one of the weirdest kind of ppl ard. i dun really know why i want to go over there so much because i've not really seen the land yet. 5 years back, i know nuts about Japan. then i got hooked. it has grown steadily, from anime to language, then to the culture n history (forgotten most of that tho').. there's jus a strong affinity for Japan. i hadnt been to the place then n yet i felt sure that i can stay there for some time, n see what can be done there. then this opportunity came along. sure, why not.. hop on to see the land. n it's gorgeous. Japan is jus what i felt it is all along. mb i shd keep my definition to Tokyo onli, since i've onli been there. yet it feels as if the rest of Japan wld feel the same to me as well. i'm in love with the place even before setting eyes on it. (trust me, i'm not the kind to flip on the Discovery Travel channel.)

well, the whole trip went all right. i enjoyed evry bits of it. we did a project SMILE (Sharing Magic In Love Everywhere) with the local Japanese, n had a community outreach to the old folks there. we managed to bring many happy smiles on their faces, n that is so priceless. then the 3 nights of Magic Of Love were great. i picked up new tricks to demo to the audience, as we were selling some of the merchandise. ppl were jus so amazed by simple tricks, n i love their smiles. some were v encouraging even when i had a couple hiccups. hee.. esp this usher, he wld come up to us n say 'show me'. then we cld practise our tricks for him to see. oh, n a professional Jap magician from the project SMILE class would also help us, n he's really quick with his hand movements. i'm amazed.

n i mus say the team is great as well. i had so much fun, laughing at one another. learning so much about the place together. rushing on the train, esp on our ride back to Narita airport. we got on the wrong train, n thank God, one of us spotted it in time before the train went too far from the turning point. n by His grace, we managed to check in at 615pm (our flight was bound to take off at 645pm), n board the plane. :)

oh, n thank God too that i managed to get into Japan. hee.. the visa thinggy did give me a fright there. the immigration officers were very strict to the rule for a visa tho' it is only "highly encouraged". *sigh.. well, i got led into one of those rooms for questioning, n i felt like i was a terrorist suspect. haha.. it sounded like fun now, but the thought came to be there n then, what if they kicked me back to Spore. honestly, thank God, that din happen. o well, i'll be more travel-wise now.. ;)

will post up photos soon! *loving n missing Japan*

p/s: i watched Mr & Mrs Smith (quite a cool movie, really) and The Little Mermaid (yes, again n again, i love this movie) on the flight there. i jus love flights with movies. hee.. tho i fell asleep for most of Kingdom of Heaven on my flight back, i managed to catch Adam Sandler's The Longest Yard. ;D

yes, i shall still blog.. n geez, it's amazing how a lot of things can b changed over a short span of less than 15hrs. look at the draft i typed out tis morn so tt i wun hv to spend so much time here:

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well, u know i usu hv the habit of blogging before i go somewhere.. hee.. yups, this is one of those instances.

I'M GOING JAPAN!!

hehh.. i've been keeping this quiet for a while over the blog cos i wanna surprise some ppl.. *evil me* ;p

yup yup yup.. i'll be gone for ard 9days.. my flight is scheduled to leave at 06 00 hour from Changi n arriving at Narita ard 13 00 hour. 7 hours of flight, so Tokyo shall be the furthest place i've charted to tis year. hee.. well, this is part of a church activity since my senior pastor will b going there to perform the Magic Of Love, i'm taking part as a prayer intercessor.. part of my duties include doing some magic tricks, which i picked up over 4 lessons.. i'm not sure what to expect when i get there.. *excited*

packing last nite oredi boosted up my excitement level, til i found it rather hard to sleep. tonite wld definitely b a sleepless one as well, because i'd b heading down the airport tonite to avoid catching a taxi early in the morning n suffer midnight charges. (the last time i took a taxi for the half marathon, it cost me $25++!! btw, yea, i ran on 11 Sept, n got a timing of 2h 34min 52s. still not within my time goal, still got room for improvement..) anyway, Steff offered to keep me company, tho i declined at 1st, but on 2nd thots, it might be a good idea cos i need someone to help me jaga my bags when i go washroom, n i guess it's quite an adventure to stay overnight at the airport so i wun wanna deny Steff that thrill. hehh.. as for myself, i've done tt before while i was in JC. heh.. ppl do weird stuff during that age.. :P

n to my dear KwongHsia, yes dear, i'm fine. yes, i'm putting ur name down here cos i think u still read my blog n i owe u an sms. haa.. will msg u when i get back, okie.. take care yea.. :)

n i had a most wonderful dinner with FK. *winkz* i dun care if u've gone down to try the ice cream while i'm away, the point is that we mus go down there tgther one day when i get back n when i save enough coins for it. heee... :P

to evryone else, pls wait for updates n photos next next week! til then take care ~!

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well, i'm still going Japan for sure, by faith. hee.. got a lil freaked out bout the visa thinggy, but shall chk it out tmr n see how. silly me, never chked that out.

n as i'm typing tis at ard 1135pm from home, it means that i'm not staying overnight at the airport. Irene thot it best for me to sleep more (she's paying my taxi fare later *hee* n sending me off on top of that. :)), but alas, i'm still not asleep yet. soon, soon.. i'm quite tired now. dun think i will hv enough sleep.. last time i prayed to God before to multiply my sleeping hours by 5-10 times. n it sorta worked cos i was fully awake n functional the next day. oh God, let it be so tonite..

hee.. was looking back at my posts during the first few months when i started blogging. can say that i typed somewhat more meaningful stuff there.. compared to now, erm, i guess there's more crap n more gibberish stuff.. hehh.. or has my life become more crappy? haha... :P

before the clock strikes midnight,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMIE!!!

n i rmbr that when i jus started my blog, i made a special wish for my momie's bday too. *grinz..

yest's nite appreciation dinner turned out to be a sch function, so it wasnt onli for GB girls.. in fact, almost practically none of the girls were there. n once again, i wasnt dressed for the ocassion, but i guess it was all right. some other ppl were dressed quite casually as well. anyway, for once, i did not care for the food so much, din each much either cos surprisingly i was full even before i finished the food. perhaps i was thrown into a strange circumstance where i knew not many ppl there except a few teachers n my GB captain. sighz..

but it was a good nite because i got to hear the FMSS band and choir group performed. n they were awarded gold for the SYF, even with hons for choir. i love the piece from Pirates of the Caribeans that the band played, but the choir cld hv done better, what with their flying colours, i expected more. i guess this is more of a goodbye night for me, for FMSS. will explain on tis point later.

today was National Bible Quiz day. FMSS sent two teams, which i coached for a period of 3 wks on the book of Luke. i mus say tt i did not fare well as a coach cos i myself did not finish the book, n it was a sad blow tt the girls did not get into the top 5. i was half hoping tt they wld get at least 5th. o well.. one team got silver n the other one, which got onli 3 points lower, got bronze award (this gold, silver, bronze award is based on score, not that u get 1st, 2nd or 3rd). 3 pts made a difference. poor team. i felt sad for them. all in all, the girls were quite high spirited n independent. cld jus do without an adult volunteer to jaga them.

then after that, i met momie at city hall. she wanted to buy stuff from Giordano. *geez.. haha.. we went to the one in citilink, it did not hv her size. then we toured ard marina square, they did not hv a Giordano there. fine, so we had to make our way thru the large crowd (thx to Comex, n some World Food thinggy) to the outlet in Suntec.. no luck there as well. finally confirmed that they hv the stock in Raffles City. phew... thank God that they hv 3 outlets nearby in the city hall area, so now u ppl know where to go hunting for ur Giordano items on ur bdays, if u wanna play safe.. hee.. ;)

oooh.. that reminds me of a fwded sms i got. shall post it here before i end off. pls read one line at a time slowly. hehee.. i really like tis one.. :D

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Positive Thinking is like this..
A little bird in the sky..
U look up & it shits in ur eye.
U don't mind & U don't cry.
U just thank GOD that
elephants don't fly!

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teeheehee... n for that matter, pigs don't fly either.. mb one day. ;)

last nite, my family celebrated my momie's bday in advanced cos big bro is making his way to Brazil tonite, on a working trip that is. still i find it so cool to be send to another place even if it's for work. think of all the expenses u can save on, plus u really feel the culture there. not like tourists who jus go there for sight seeing, what a lot of things missed out in that!

oh, n yest on my way back, i bumped into another old labmatie of mine. he did one module together with me, the beer module. *grinz.. i'm glad tt he still rmbr me. hee.. these days, i happen to bump into ppl a lot tt it frightens me. i guess i need to be prepared evrytime i step out of my house, prepared in the sense of being dressed more presentably. haa... well, i hv a knack of appearing in big T-shirt n berms, even at Orchard Rd once. cos i wasnt doing shopping ma, i went there jus to do an errant. n *bam* i bumped into my coursemates there. so paiseh tt i jus waved a hi to them n went off quickly in the opposite direction.. hahaa.. sighz..

tonite i'll be appreciated by my GB girls.. hee.. 'em throwing an appreciation dinner at FMSS for the volunteers. so yay~.. sth to look fwd to after work. :)

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Let the weight of Your Glory fall on us,
Let the triumph of Your Kingdom come,
Let the light of Your Glory fill the earth,
Let the weight of Your Glory come,
Let the weight of Your Glory come...

perhaps i shd blog a lil evry morn. hee.. not my usual habit to start the day as i usu prefer to blog at nite when my mental activity is the highest, which perhaps explain why it may be kinda hard for me to sleep early at nite stimes.

yest was an enjoyable day. went with auntie for lunch at NIE n on our way back, a young boy stopped me to introduce to me what his project group has done. sth he called as Claymation. being with auntie, i cldnt stop long, so i promised the boy tt i wld come back again. n i did, with some mentos sweets (courtesy of my undergrad student who bought it for the lab. but i felt tt my lab cld do with less sugar. hehh..). the boy did not rmbr me, but the kids were a joyful bunch when they took turn to explain to me about their project. n i did not get to see their happy faces when they get the sweets as i only passed them over to another boy who went to get water and met me on his way back to group. yet i'm sure they wld b glad to receive treats of any sort.

then during my jap class (oh, did i mention that i took up a preparatory course for JLPT 3? well, me gg to sit for the exam end of tis year. :)), i seemed to do better now. scored 10 out of 13 for my listening, which was an awful bad score when i first tried out for it. hee.. tho i usu get an awful headache after class, mb bcos i focus too hard n too much info. guess i'm not made for student life anymore, eh..

at nite, went for dinner n a drink session with the group from Pho Hua last time. been ages since i last sat n drank at the same table with good ol' Rum. it was a good time, but i mus admit my drinking tolerance has gone a great notch down. 2 1/2 glass n i'm quite a goner. it's the usual symptom of blood gushing out of my head, displaced by the alcohol, n i felt cold all over my forehead. i cld imagine tt beads of cold sweat wld form next if i'm to drink more. n of cos, i had a very good nite's sleep at a remarkably earlier time than usual. hee..

...to make one happy, just make someone happy...

a lil shout out in the early morn to announce that: I'm in lab now!!!.. haiz.. may not be early for some, but it's half an hour before my working hour starts, n it's not like i've sth better to do at lab. these days i came early jus for the sake of catching the bus, which will be crowded with ppl after 8am. sigh..

yest i went to National Library. finally went there. it has a modern feel, so different from the old one. there's a courtyard on the 5th floor. and 6-7 floors of reference text. the security guard told me menacingly that i cannot study in there cos he noted my big bag full of notes. haa.. i wasnt even planning on studying. jus wanna look at how the library is like. it's nice, overall. i feel tt i cld spend some time there, sitting by the corridor with the huge glass plane that overlooks the city. i can write there.

it was a good feeling being alone for a while. that's jus my pblem now. i dun hv enough time, too busy with all sorts of things. how i'd love a time to spend at home, hv a good dinner (home-cooked, of cos), then go for a jog perhaps, n end up the night by reading or writing, whichever sees fit. wait, ain't i doing that tonite? *winkz. ;)

Everybody's changing - Keane

You say you wander your own land
But when I think about it
I don't see how you can
You're aching, you're breaking
And I can see the pain in your eyes
Says everybody's changing
And I don't know why

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

You're gone from here
And soon you will disappear
Cause everybody's changing
And I don't feel right

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

So little time
Try to understand that I'm
Trying to make a move to stay in the game
I try to stay awake and remember my name
But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same

I like, no, love this song.

Of cakes and shops

Both of which I think I rather had too much of today. No, I did not buy many things, but my eyes saw what my hands went through, and some of which my body wriggled in and out. All can be quite a tiring process for someone who does not shop that much. *grinz. Yet it was a great time spent with lil miss Wonka, who finally made her first trip down to JB!! hehe.. And when you're down there, how can you avoid not going into the Secret Recipe with the cakes going for RM$5.30! That's about how much they charge here in Sing dollars too.

And I found out that they serve this very nice vegetarian hakka dish at Holiday Inn Plaza. Must bring my mom there next time to savour. I love my first taste of it in Ipoh last time. It'd be some time before i get to go back to Ipoh again, probably Dec when Alex is back home. :)

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And last Friday, argh.. I wish I had my pen. Before and after watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (who else would I be watching it with?! *grinz.. n it's a really good n heart-warming), my thoughts ran so wild, so free. Perhaps they knew I did not have a pen to contain them. I tried typing into my hp, but my fingers are never good at keeping count of words.

Anyway, these words off the cover of a philosophical book that I glanced upon in Kinokuniya last Thurs came back to me: "Love, at a sudden turn of events, can be indifferent or disgust. Hate is immortal." Well, naturally my mind set to work on the 101 things that I have been taught about love, unconditional love. I even thought of the instance that once a story taught me about darkness as being the absence of light. Can't hatred then be the absence of love? I have yet to read the text within. There are others more soothing to the nerves, such as text from St Augustine and the other one I saw from Kempis.

--

On a side-note from my writing desk, I am near the stage of giving up. I am wearied and burdened by the facts and things I have to research on, to read up. Though I've just learnt previously that it is possible to make up half of what you write. Yet when it comes to serious writing, when it has been acclaimed that A is A, you can't go your way and say that A is B. That is so utterly wrong. So I need to get my facts right, but it's simply unbearable to think of all the things I ought to know. I have till end October, my only consolation that time is still quite by my side. Though I have other things in mind to settle as well. And I just pampered myself with a hand-load, no, make that a drawer-load of books. I'm getting nowhere of stopping myself from reading, and yet I am not reading what I should be reading. *sigh...

Yea, I shd update my blog, despite it being my bedtime now. Plus, i've not mentioned much bout my previous two trips yet. heh.. shall give brief accounts then:

Bangkok is quite a shopping paradise because their markets are so extensive. The best way to describe the market is what one sees at Bugis Village, and multiply it by 10 times for the size of Pratunam Market, and 50 times for Chatuchak Market. Both are must-go market places because I realise that their goods there are set at low prices. At other places such as Khao San and Silom, you will get your throat cut a few times, and still feel somewhat cheated after you have bargained down the price. However, a warning to the ladies as the clothes found there are typical to the sizes in This Fashion, so my mother ended up not buying many clothes. And Chinatown is only good for food because though their shoes are really pretty, they are meant for wholesale.

Also beware of too-friendly Thai people - the good "Samaritans". On my first day I took out my map to look for directions, a man approached me and my mother and was very helpful in telling us where to go to see a famous temple. Only when he mentioned about making a detour to the jewellery shops, then I realised the extent of his sincerity. Still it was difficult for us to decline, and I doubt my mother was aware what he was getting us into. So we played along. The man halted a tuk-tuk and my mother was so excited that she would be having her firsthand experience in riding on one of these. My enthusiasm was quite doused by what was to happen next. And this was not the only means that we were conned to view jewellery items, even our morning river cruise was followed by a few of such visits. It seems that tour companies made agreement with these shops to bring tourists there, in return for God-knows-what.

Mt Kinabalu was more memorable and enjoyable. The only thing that shocked me was the sky rocket price they charged for the food there. RM$11.50 for fried rice, and RM$3.50 for hot milo. They knew we needed food, and we had no way out but to buy from them. Well, this is a reminder to those to be better prepared next time: go buy bread and instant 3-in-1 milo, because you can boil hot water in the kitchenette at the hostel.

The view, oh the magnificient view. I'm dazzled by it. I love it. And the wind, the coldness can be biting at times, and chill you to the bones, but you will miss it when you return back to ground zero. What more can I say about Mt K? Like what I said before, it's an experience to have once in a lifetime.

Then the town itself - Kota Kinabalu - has nothing much in it. Not much ado for shopping, unless you want to buy handicraft souvenirs (which I did not buy any. sorry maties. :P). Then nothing much to see either. Perhaps people go there after the climb to fill up their tummies again. We all had pizza hut for dinner before we took our flight back to Spore. One RM for one S$, so it is really worth it to eat pizza hut in Msia.. hehe.. Some more they said that the Treasure Island Pizza is not found in Spore menu. Really tasted good. *yumz. [stomach starts to growl, getting a little hungry.. but i guess i will sleep on it..]

Okie, i shall stop here. the freshies had a treasure hunt today n tmr they'd b having a 3-on-3 basketball tournament. i shd b gg down to support this team of guys who confidently told me that they will sure win wanz. haha.. we shall see. :)

a chinese song i heard from 93.3fm:

shun shi zhen (clockwise) - Gigi Leung
i caught n understood onli fragments of tis song, n these are what i made of it

Love is not like this
And you've stolen my time
What you've said,
do you still intend to keep it?

I don't want to sit alone
to think about the past
because time can never return
to that point of beginning.

Sometimes I try to think
of myself before this love
Yet I know
I can never be that person again.

I just want to sit,
let the wind blow past.

i know it's not word for word translation, n i miss out quite a bit. this is what i caught n what made the song meaningful to me. nowadays i see, hear n feel the multitude of ppl's needs, ppl's problems, ppl's hurts... mine is onli so little. yet they are mine n tt's what matters. and God cares, so all the more i cling onto Him.

on a lighter, less abstract note, i've been hanging out with the freshmen, n they're a joy to be with. so innocent. i've a few guys who wld single me out to talk. haha.. good-looking too. but yea, too young. *grinz. oh well, if someone can hv favourite girls, i dun see why i cant hv favourite guys. heee.. went to Sentosa with them yesterday, n saw the musical fountain, could b said for the first time bcos i've not seen the show for a long time n golly, it has changed so much! hehh.. got balls of fire too.. amazing..

looking forward to seeing those fellas again. :)

yayy.. alone by myself in the lab, cos everyone else hv to go for a fire drill briefing.. n as a floor leader, i had been briefed before, so there's no need for me to go.. hehehee..

i'm hving a tremendous craving for m&ms chocolate.. no idea why.. yest i had a good 200g of it.. today, i crave for more.. eeks.. n finally i get to hv my tau suan.. hehe.. my good postgrad bought me green bean soup on Tues when i really wanted tau suan, but well, shant turned down a good will..

these few days i'm busy with helping out with NUS freshmen, in particular those staying in PGP. so i've gone back to sch a few times, but starkingly PGP does not bring back that much memories any more. perhaps the times hv changed, the ppl hv changed. o well.. it's good to be there nonetheless, n last nite, we played polar bear.. hehe.. a game which can evoke much fun, esp when i always end up killing the hunters instead of the bears.. :P

a dull ache is gnawing on the inside of me, n it's not jus mere physical fatigue of muscle pain.. but that of sentimental sadness.. i guess it always gets to me this way, after i hv spent some good time with a bunch of ppl n suddenly it all comes to an end, i'm transported back into present-time, n there's nothing i can do bout it..

worse still, i got the feeling when i got home that i had never left, that things were how i left them, n i could possibly b dreaming the whole KK trip. It gave me the creeps.

sighz.. anyway, climbing Mt K is an experience that one mus go thru once in a lifetime. hehh.. n after some thoughts, i really dun mind going there again. like how i said to my groupmates: it's a memorable thing to do with someone special. ;)

well, i'm trying my best to label all the photos to upload them, but at the moment still got some more to go.. tho i din really take that many photos, i'm hoping to get more from the other ppl's cam.. will upload them soonest possible.. till then, my bed awaits..

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for the month of July, my calender says:
"To him that is determined it remains only to act."
--Italian Proverb

*egad.. sharing a file is harder than i think.. eeks.. was trying out yahoo! briefcase but they disable the function oredi.. haiz.. so tis option will hv to do for now.

onli for those interested in my Mt K climbing route:
go to www.streamload.com
type in my userID: lilpiggie
n my password is: streamload
then u shd b able to see the files under Inbox

ps: look at the time.. Orooo... X.x

finally i can blog! tho' i hv to settle some other stuff b4 i can pop off to bed.. n i hv a feeling tt i overpacked.. :(

actually i wanted to write a long entry about my 5 days in Bangkok to keep u all company during my absence for yet another 5 days.. but i barely made it thru day 1 yesterday (imagine all the boring details i include there.. :P), so i can onli leave u all with the pretty pictures on yahoo! photos, which painstakingly took up my Sun aft nap jus to put the captions on them.. tis explains why i m so pooped today, i even slept for a good 30mins at work..

hm, i m bringing Dazai's short stories to read while i m away. not too sure whether i will ever b left alone in the group of strangers, so at least i will hv the book to accompany me.. hee.. aiya.. mb not that bad lah, i did get to know some of them, n there's that ultra frenly guy in my group whose a Christian, but 3 years younger than me.. *dang.. hahaa.. i seem to bond better with guys in that age group, guys born in the year of the pigs.. hm, one does wonder.. :P

okie, i'm putting the itinery for my Mt K climb for those interested to view it, so that u can mark where i'd b on what day at what time.. yea, i know u all will miss me.. *perasan.. haa.. :P

take care ppl.. i'll miss u all too.. :)

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*SMiLE* is something miraculous in life's everyday

Friendship isn't how long u've been together, it isn't how much u've given or received, nor how many times u've helped each other, but it's how u value one another. (an sms fwded by a fren, which i value loads! n i'd like to share with all my b'loved frens. may our friendship never ends!)

i'm BACK!! haha.. miss me, miss me? *grinz..

tt's all i'm gg to say for now. came back late after din with my bro n his gf (tt's the potential someone i mentioned b4.. hehe..), n kinda tired after unpacking tho my mom is the one doing all the laundry duty... hee... :P

then tmr (or rather later today) i'll b hitting the coast with Fongky (!!!) for a 5-click event organised by NUS.. hmm.. i need the run after what i hv pocketed in my tummy.. hehh..

*tired!*

hmm... how can i go overseas without a final word here? *grinz.. (yes, this is one of the needful things to be done before i hit the bed.. :P) well, esp when i leave tis blog at such a sad tone last week.. not to worry, nothing remains the same in tis world..

thursday was also the day that i found out the nitty gritty details of my new contract from my colleague (which did not really stir tt much of an interest in me then), which he heard unofficially from the admin staff, NOT from my boss.. hehh.. it seems that the next contract will not be such a tied down after all, that it will be a normal 1-month notice, minus all the threat of forfeiting a sum of 3-months' salary. *great* tis wld mean tt i can hang on to my current job while looking for another one. anyway, my boss said the new postdoc wld come by the end of July, so less qualms for me to leave the job if i make a nice pass-over of my work to him. (and Friday, my boss told my colleague that he has signed approval for his contract to be renewed, which I think mine wld b too, cos my colleague said that out renewal is printed on the same piece of paper. then again, my boss made no mention to me.. haiz..)

that day, on my way back home, i saw, along the road, a group of men using their hands to paint the worn-out railing.. they were having fun. i smiled.

Hands. Rail. Paint.

something as simple as that made me smile. :)

over the weekends, my church hosted foreign delegates from many Asian cities for our very first Youthnet Gateway Cities Convention, plus a combined morning service at Expo (think: long mrt ride..). it was a *rah-rah* time, n of cos, a very touching time for me too. i'm glad to have Steff n Rosie back in Spore.. ;)

oooh.. n as much as i look fwd to Bangkok tmr (less than 12 hrs!!).. i cant wait for tis cmg Sat when i come back.. hehee.. a prospective *someone* is gg to meet me n my mom at the airport.. more juicy details then.. hahaa.. shall try hard to miss u all.. *grinz.. nah, u all know i do, from the bottom of my heart, n u can tell from the bottom of ur stomach too when i bring all the goodies back.. hehe..

cheerios ppl.. have a good week, which may be peace n quiet to some, without me ard! :D

The day started with a drizzle, only to clear for a while, then now it threatens to rain again. I believe it is even raining slightly now. And as I walked past the auditorium, deserted and empty now, with most of the props removed. Only hours ago, it housed an audience of over 1000 people, of which more than 700 are graduands. Now it stood there, quiet and still.

Today marked my teacher friends' investiture - a day that they took their pledge to be teachers. I'm not too sure what else, what other meanings this day might hold for all the teachers. I can't help but feel that it is a happy day, and also a sad day for one of them. I shall not elaborate more because if there is one thing I learn, it is to never steal the feelings of another. Never to be too over-excited, or too sad over what the other person is feeling because one never knows and can never fully understand the other's feeling. So, my dear friend, I will miss seeing you on campus too, but like you say, K.I.T. *smile*

Memories,
what are they?
not of present
yet a gift

Memories,
what to keep?
of many things
yet few remains

Memories,
what to do?
they haunt you
as time lingers

yesterday's drinking plan with my batchmatie was postponed to pave way for Initial D (hehh.. who can stop tis amazing car movie from zooming into ur plans??). well, one thing that caught me off guard about the show is that it is SO funny!!!.. tho i knew it was from an anime, all i see from there was jus snippets of car racing, u know.. then i get bored of the whole thing.. so i jus watched initial D cos my brother wanted to watch.. hehh.. n of cos, a score of other ppl wanted to watch.. that was why Eng Wah cinema at Bukit Batok was so crowded for the evening show. sheesh, talk about it being isolated.. had to take side seats, n even then the tix-man did not hv the senses to give me those seats nearer to the aisle so that we can get a more central view.. gee.. thank God the movie still turns out alright, double *thumbs up*!

a lil info bout the anime Initial D, according to my 2nd bro: it's almost word for word in the movie, jus that they shorten around 3-4 seasons of anime into just one movie, so there's a lot of info missing, esp good shots of car races, of cos.. n yea, the bit bout the girl is true too, n oso Takumi joining Ryousuke's race team in the end.. for those who want to watch the anime, lemme know yea.. ;)

oooh.. i did get to drink at night anyway.. hee.. me had red wine with my 2nd bro, which he bought from the duty free shop inside changi airport.. then get to see all the photos he took from Aussie. hvnt caught up with him since he came back. i wld like to think of it as he went there, n came back with someone else. hee.. yeps, his status with the girl is confirmed.. *phew-weet*.. hee.. i wld rather like to think that the girl is lucky, more than my bro (even tho she was the one who won the lucky draw for 2 to fly to Aussie).. i say that cos i think it's so good to hv someone (read: a guy) to go traveling with.. less fear n worry of safety, n simply easier to go jus about anywhere with (except the loo, that is. :P)..

haiz.. next week is coming soon.. i'm fairly excited.. hvnt settled down on hotel stay yet.. hee..

Yesterday...

City in the Morning

It was a beautiful day, and the sun was not so harsh even though the clock went past 9 some time ago. There were tour groups harbouring where you could catch a good view of the Merlion stationed beside Clifford Pier. There was an even larger crowd gathering below the statute. I was taken aback by the people, as it was unusual for me to see tour groups in Singapore, much more so on such a day.

After the rest of the people turned up for the 5-km run, which was an expected pathetic trickle of the actual size of the group for the Mt K expedition, I was glad to have the company of the HI girl to run with me. We did not talk much: I was still lacking in my communication skills, and she was the awfully quiet one from the night trekking session last time. However at the end of the run, the ice was very much melted, if not broken. Her name is Caroline, and she works in JP.

The run was beautiful and exceptionally quiet. One would expect the city to be bustling with activities, but it seems to be asleep on lazy Sunday mornings. Even my walk towards Chinatown later, which traversed Boat Quay and Clarke Quay, carried on the quiet mode of the morning. It was exhilaratingly enjoyable to me, and I rested in the calmness. A thought started to conjure in my mind of the possibility of getting people to go for city run with me on another Sunday.

Chinatown in the Afternoon

I arranged with my mother to meet me in Chinatown, which was where she wanted to go. I did not mind as I have been longing to try out the small food outlets found scattered throughout that cluttered area of shops. I wanted to steer clear of the mainstream roads used by most people, and cut into small alleys instead. In one of them, we stumbled into this nook called "Old Shanghai". Not to say the food is spectacular, it was satisfying both to the mind and body. I like trying out food in new places. After we walked another few rounds, we went back to the same alley to a dessert shop I had spotted earlier. This must be the shop that my boss boasted about the nice sesame paste dessert. So we both had black sesame paste, which was wholesome and not too sweet.

Changi Beach in the Evening

My final destination for the day was to meet my friend (you can call her my best friend), to celebrate her birthday, which was on Saturday. In a normal year, both of us would try to name a day between our birthdays so that we could celebrate together since ours was merely a week apart. She went cycling with her friends and colleagues at Pulau Ubin, which I refused her invitation as two weeks ago, I was there with the Mt K team. Besides I thought I would have to give tuition (which was thankfully cancelled).

It had been a long time since we caught up with each other, so there was loads to talk. We walked from one end of the Changi Beach to the other, sat down in between to rest and enjoy the sea, and still had things to talk. It was a good feeling, that we had things to talk. I always felt this way about her, that if somehow we don't get to meet up for a long time, when we see each other again, there will be things to talk about.

We had dinner at the Changi hawker centre, where we painstakingly waited for an hour or more, just to sample the famous nasi lemak there. She spotted a Mediacorp male artiste, who I was not particularly familiar with. He, too, was queueing up with his daughter and her friends to buy the nasi lemak. One must wonder what is so fantastic about this stall. Well, to be honest, the food simply had to taste better, and it did. The sambal was super good, and the fried chicken wing, too. I suppose this is the kind of response you would get from the stall patrons who have queued hours just to buy their nasi lemak.

All in all, yesterday was good.

One can only hope that the fleece of the black sheep will turn white as it ages.

kyoo watashi no kokoro ga ittai
temo anata wa tabun wakaranai
Kami-sama, doshite...

"kane wa watashi ga sukijianai"
chuugokugo no ongakku o kiita
atama ni aru...

ima daijoobu ni natta
seikai ni nani mo hoshijianai
Kami-sama, onegai...

(fyi, this is not any Jap poem ya. jus me trying to express myself. :))

listening to chinese songs today makes me feel sad. i think i'm hitting the depression zone now, but i guess i know better how to cope n deal with it. as usual, like all things, it will come to pass..

a question that bogs my mind today: who am i trying to prove myself to?

...the setting sun, the glory of the Lord...

my energy is quite expended and with all due respect to tiredness, i m fully awake. running always makes me feel this way. hm.. mb i should hv stayed at ur place after all, sweet mango sunrise (aka ice khacang).. hee.. mb another time, when i'm more well prepared, but then ur days in hostel are limited. haiz... will miss u ppl ard in NTU, but i guess, tt's okay. like what is written: "The only thing that does not change is that everything changes." -- everything of this world, that is. ;)

anyway, i m shifting 'house' too, in a way of speaking. hvnt found a new place to stay yet, but i'm done with my current job. thinking bout it, mb it's not all one-sided, i hv my guilt sentence too. i admit to being quite slow in the learning, n reluctant to progress.. n terrible at obtaining reproducibility of my data results. *gapz.. all this mus change too..

haiz.. change change change... sir, do you have any change for one poor soul here?

i'm rather a bday girl, or rather i was brought up in that kinda environment. there would be bday cake, candles showing exactly how old u are. tho i onli had my first bday party when i was 20, probably for my mom to make up for the no-show on my 19th bday as i was here in Spore. i received flowers for my bday then (sorry sisters, someone gave me flowers on my bday b4, now then i recall.. hee.. but u gals gave me my first bday surprise.. ;)). hmm..

last week, i shall call it my bday week has been really good. i get to spend time with people who are impt to me. tis week too, i presume. *chuckles.. funny how stimes ppl jus come together n meet up when impt events like bdays or weddings draw near, n not at other times. but it's alright, i guess. i still enjoy catching up with ppl i hv not seen for some time. :)

oh.. something special tho. i get to spend my bday like any ordinary day. hee.. i was at GB camp, n no one there would know that it was my bday. hee.. one cool thing bout being an officer at the camp, which i din realise before, was that the girls would greet me ma'am... *grinz.. feel kinda grand n so formal tt i cant resume my frenly attitude with them, but i guess that was to be observed anyway, this being a uniformed group n ranking n respect is highly commendable. my my.. i actually enjoy that.. hee~

and oooh.. yesterday night i got to learn how to play mahjong after our springroll gathering. we were always talking bout it but never got down to setting up the table, so last night was our first, prob not our last. *grinz.. kinda fun, u know, n FK is such a darling to coach me. hee.. last time whenever i asked ppl to teach me, well, it never came round to that.. but cool.. last nite i got a hang of it, but i hvnt register all the 101 rules yet, not forgetting the hidden *no touching other ppl's shoulders* plus other unceremonial rules. hee.. yes, u hv to observe a mahjong game as some auspicious ceremony.. hehe.. but i'm more there for the fun n the good ol' kakis.. ;)

well, ending off with my thanks for all the bday greetings n wishes i got. thanx ya people. love u guys! :)

i'm TOUCHED!.. ahh.. tt's the word. i din know how to describe my feelings then, but yeps, touched it is then. ;)

sister Joy asked me out for dinner today (ie. Tues nite), n it wld b her treat. n this is uncommon cos last time she treated me too. we went to try out Turkish food at Shaw Tower. heh.. it seems that she had a voucher, jus like the last time when she treated me at Mandarin Meritius Hotel. my sister is always blessed in getting such stuff (n i'm all the more blessed in being able to share in her blessing.. hee..).. then sister Feonfly came along, n tis was normal too. cos there was once the 3 of us hang out at Essential Brew, n one of the Turkish dish sure reminded me of that place so it was warming to hv her join us.

oh oh before that, sister LoVelyplanet came with brother VVayz.. i was sure surprised to see them there.. what a small world!.. but i guess they were into Turkish food on that day too, n decided to go dating there.. hmm..

then the waiter brought a bouquet for me.. ookie.. i know they (sister Joy n Feonfly) were celebrating my bday but to that grand extent. i was shocked n simply thot them the best. they even teased me saying that it might b someone else, some admirer perhaps. heh.. but i could onli guess sister Feonfly brought the flowers n asked the waiter to pass it to me later (i'm quite a logical girl, okie!). sister Irene's name somehow came to mind too. n lo n behold, she came with sister Jenny!.. finally i got the whole picture, the whole set-up!.. omigosh.. the sisters hv sure became cleverer at doing such things.. hahaa...

i'm truly truly pleasantly surprised. thank you sisters n brother for such a wonderful treat. lesson learnt: not to *hint* too much when God has given me the biggest hint (ie. when sister Joy asked me out for dinner.. haiz, sister, when did u become such a sly one?!! haha..). i thank God for everyone of u. *muakz..

then mb gg home by mrt wasnt such a wise decision esp with the bouquet of flowers.. one does stand out, u noe.. n there was no one else with me.. hahaa.. but i'm happy. the roses are good to look at. they remind me a great deal of the book Secret Garden tt i m reading now. n tonite is like a magical moment described in there, so on my way back, i jus sat, looked at the flowers n thought. it was a good feeling, doing jus that. perhaps they were couples looking at me, looking at my flowers. n i jus came to a thought as i reached home, that if by giving flowers, one can make others feel so happy, then i dun mind giving all the flowers to others.

i'm reaching 25, what some may term as quart-life crises (QLC). n i find myself not in want, which is good. think Psalms 23:1 - "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want." i've always wondered what it is not to be in want. i always thought it would be ideal, it would be good. yet i always find myself so much in want of a lot of things, esp love. now, i wun say it came jus like that, but it is quite gradual. last Sat, i attended my ex-cell group leader's wedding n as i saw her wedding photos, that was exactly how i felt: not in want. n i'm glad. :)

I'm proud of myself tis morning. hehh.. i finally made 2x around my neighbourhood. heh.. well, one round covers a distance of ard 4km.. so mb 8km is nothing much, but for me, it's a struggle of mental prowess. well, the reversi technique works. hehe.. i jus ran the other direction the second time, then i wun keep thinking tt it's tiring or boring. haiz.. the last time, i was so beguiled while doing my first round, that it tired me so much to continue for the second one.

oh, n n i've set a challenge for myself for tis coming half marathon. i'll run all the wayyy!.. hee.. for those who dunno, the prev ones, i did them half run, half walk.. so mb if i intend on setting a record of 2hours (personal record, not any world-breaking record, mind u!) then i may as well hv to run thru'out. so heh.. first thing is to hv a strong will power n train hard!!! ;)

had two rice dumplings for bfast. hee.. why do i make mention of sth so trivial? well, it all lies in where the dumplings came from. hehehe... my 2nd bro's girlfriend's mom made them. huhuhu.. now now, i m not the one putting in words k.. the "girlfriend" term came from my mom herself. she was the one telling me that last nite.. n when i queried if that was what my 2nd bro said.. of cos not. *chuckles.. haiz.. jus bcos my bro said he might bring her up for dinner one day.. ahem.. hahaa.. i told my 2nd bro tis morn.. he was so amused. hehe.. yea.. the little happenings in my home. :)

n yesterday evening i finally get to go to the Spore Art Museum again - my 2nd visit, i think. i really wish i can flip thru the sketches of the 1st artist's books on display (i forgot his name!). so nice to see what kind of notes/sketches he would take down. haiz.. i might seem a little nosy to some.. hehe.. but this is the kinda thing i like to do. thanks Sin for the tour, n Andrea for the company (nice seeing u again!!! n yes, i type frivolous things on bloggie too.. :P), n of cos warm welcome-back *huggies* to Fongky! it was a most enjoyable evening with good company.. *wink wink* at FK. :P

out of boredom:

You scored as Utilitarianism. Your life is guided by the principles of Utilitarianism: You seek the greatest good for the greatest number.

"The said truth is that it is the greatest happiness of the greatest number that is the measure of right and wrong."
--Jeremy Bentham

"Whenever the general disposition of the people is such, that each individual regards those only of his interests which are selfish, and does not dwell on, or concern himself for, his share of the general interest, in such a state of things, good government is impossible."
--John Stuart Mill

More info at Arocoun's" Wikipedia User Page...

100% Hedonism
100% Utilitarianism
95% Divine Command
75% Kantianism
65% Justice (Fairness)
60% Apathy
35% Existentialism
30% Strong Egoism
0% Nihilism


What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com

good morning! i decided to do a little blogging early tis morning before my colleague comes in and robs me of my private moment with u. ;)

well, the reason for my coming early tis morning is simple: i left early from work yesterday. u know how guilt is able to work its way in, and my usual excuse for going off early would b that i'd replace the time another day. n i mean it. see, i'm here now. hahaa.. the exact reason why i'm typing tis out is to stifle my guilt a little.. okie okie, i will try to stick my usual working hours, or at least be more productive at work. hehh..

anyway, yesterday i had to go all the way Bedok for stair-climbing training. it's for the Mt K expedition. it's been bout a week now that i've been confirmed to join the group. yayyy.. i'd b able to go. :) so yesterday, i was doing my part to remonstrate my participation, which was ultimately needless cos i was told earlier on that i cld go for other group's training. but i wanna build group dynamism here; alas, onli 4 of us in total went for the exercise yesterday. :S but i get to enjoy the famous Bedok hokkien mee.. hehee.. :d

besides Mt K, i'd be going Bangkok!!! yes yes yes.. the tixs have been bought bcos AirAsia is having offer of $19.99 for one-way, plus taxes n other fees, it onli totals up to ~$90 per person for a two-way tix.. hehee.. i love good deals. now i hv to plan out what places to go to, n where to stay, etc.. tis is kinda like my first time gg somewhere n having to plan for it myself. kinda fun though. get to see the entire map of Bangkok, look up the places of interest. if tis catches on, i might try to save up n go another regional area tis year.. but i'm oredi spending a lot now.. :P

anyway, tis is a trip i plan to bring my mom for some time, since last year actually. she turned 50 last year, n i promised her before that when she's 50, i'll bring her around the world. well, i'll start with somewhere near 1st.. hehee.. the onli thing i'll b missing out when traveling with my mom would b a more active n adventurous tour ard the place. i'd love to cycle, n i read that u'd get to see more of Bangkok (actually Thailand on the whole) on bike. hm.. mb another time. i doubt one can explore the whole of Bangkok in just one trip there. ;)

A Message

It came in the middle of the night, out of the blue. A message from a friend back home (if I can still call that place as home). Not that it jolted me out of my sleep, I slept like a log and only noted the message when I got up to use the toilet. I could guess who it was from, even in my blurness of mind. It could only be him. A mutual friend who always never fails to remind me of someone else. It isn't his fault, even though I won't be sure whether he still keeps in touch with the other person. I have stopped asking though my every single conversation with this friend would leave thoughts lingering in my mind. I still think about him, but thoughts of good will like what you would normally bring up in conversation with old friends when catching up with not only our own lives but with others' who were not present with us then. Those kind of thoughts.

Yet surprisingly this is not the first message from someone I know beyond the vastness of sea that separates the place I reside now, and the place I can once say unaffectedly as home. Another was sent to me not long ago and asking for my date of return. Yes, I would very much like to go back and have a look, but I would be daunted as well by what would greet me when I get back there. Still, to return is only a matter of time, and the message is very clear: I am very much missed at home.

szeyung is an activist.. no, not in the bad sense, but may be bad for health n physical wellness.. haha... somehow i m gifted to lump a lot of activities tgether.. n then later on, i wld b left to ponder, how in the world m i going to accomplish it all?!.. *chuckles.. i mus learn n be wiser in future.. meanwhile, it's truly a fun n enjoyable challenge... jus sorry for my frens who hv to bear with tis at times.. hehee..

well, so what's happening?.. *grinz.. szeyung went for an overnight trekking from macritchie all the way to bkt timah!.. hehee.. tis event actually jus popped by my doorstep from nowhere.. i cant even rmbr how i struck up the conversation, but before i knew it, me n Fongky were geared up to go romping in the dark jungle. hehee.. with a group of 28 other people, of cos. we can even freak out staying at night on the street, talk about stepping into the jungle. no way, man!..

okie, let's take another step back.. what is the call for such an event? hehh.. me was talking to an undergrad, n she mentioned bout her coming trip to climb Mt KK.. my ears pricked up. i really wanna go climb that mountain.. n when she linked it with the welfare club, well, it all sounded too familiar. so i asked if it was the one that i heard her other undergrad fren talked about before.. n bingo.. it was the same one. i had wanted to join that one, but the undergrad told me that it was unlikely tt i would b able to join. so i told tis undergrad the same thing, n she gave me a different response - a positive reply.. it jus might be possible.. so crossing all my fingers now (Fongky, u'd better cross urs too!), that we'd b able to go n they can onli confirm in June.. so we joined them for their 3rd fitness exercise..

that's not all.. since this is organised by the welfare club, there has to be something else.. the committee is bringing the hearing impaired ppl to go climb Mt KK.. so another requirement is that we hv to pick up sign language, which is really fun!.. i've been astounded by that language ever since i helped out in children church a few years back n they taught the children how to sign while singing worship songs.. it's jus so beautiful.. tt's how i come to admire tis language.. but that night, i was so lost, lost amidst a language that i dun really understand, n dun know how to convey back to them.. but i'm glad that at the end of it all, i've picked up some n the ppl are very frenly to teach, esp the HI ppl..

was very tired when we ended on Sun morn.. n now we come to the part why szeyung is such a devious activist.. she bought 3 tix for the 1.30pm star wars movie for that very Sun!.. hehhh.. one for her, one for her brother... n the other one for..... poor darling Fongky.. *chuckles... one sleepless night, plus a lot of walking... i hope u can imagine the tiredness.. but the tix were bought oredi.. n worst of all was that i knew bout the trekking before buying the tix... hahaa... but i really wanted to watch star wars... n it was really worth it! tho the plot is quite short, it links up everything nicely.. hehh.. shall b watching part 4 later... my bro has all parts 4-6 in dvd... nyanyaa... ;)

had two steaming hot tau sar pau n a dark cuppa coffee for lunch, jus the way that dear Alex would have prescribed it for an early morning, or to break the cold from the law library last time. haiz.. i m going back in time again, i know. it is sad. n was listening to symphony 92.4 jus now with the sad melody of Think of Me from Phantom of the Opera.

Some may say I lavish the word 'love' flippantly, on people and on things. Some may wonder if I really mean it, that I could simply quote, "I am falling in love over...", or "I m so in love with...", and "I love ... so much!" Whatever variations you may hear me say it. Yet love is not diluted over all these many things or people. For when I say "I love you", I mean it to the full extent of my feelings there and then, not a cent less. Of course, the following question to ask would be: "How long does your 'there and then' last?"... How long, indeed, I too wonder.

i finally read finish his writings that i printed out, all 45 pages of them. i laughed at some, pondered over others. perhaps i have come to understand him better, or at least come to the understanding that i do not know him that well after all. it took me by surprise how i could meet one of his characters over my church camp, and how i could experience first-hand what he described about her in words. n i fumbled over whether he would have, at one time, regarded my jokes and puns as stale. n wonder even more at what and how he would describe me as, to his friends or in his writings.

jus here to say a quick 'hi' n update.. :)

anyway, i think i say n type enough bout my KL trip last weekend tho mb not here. will do a write-up on it n put it up online soon, i hope (mus practise my writing!). then got some photos, not many with me in it. will upload them soon to my yahoo photos.

funny how i tend to keep something online, n others offline.. hee.. before i forget, allow me to thank my dear sister Joy n her dearest momie for a most delicious dinner at her place last Fri. it reminded me loads bout Ipoh.. not to mention that i was the lucky brat who tasted her momie's cooking twice.. hehee.. *yumz!..

n sth else tt i found quite interesting, was telling my sisters.. heee.. i was bored on mrt one day (cant rmbr which day) then i did the most out-of-the-world thing. well, mb not to some of u. hehe.. i abused the bluetooth tech in my hp n went to seek other bluetoothed users.. hee... found two of them, then i sent pictures to them.. hey, it is free to send via infra-red n bluetooth, fyi.. hee.. but sadly, both rejected my "offer".. so heck.. tried another one.. then someone returned the favour n sent sth to me.. *so sweet!.. heee.. this is what u get for not having a love life.. *chuckles.. someone sent me a dancing piggie.. it's really cute.. i even set it as my screen saver.. hehee.. :P

eks.. i cant help it. i need to blog. haha.. i told myself tt i shd not come here til after i hv completed my writing, but i'm too tempted. i know it's a whole bunch of crap tt i type here, but it's okie, it helps my brain get on moving, rather than stuck at the mental block tt i find myself so often. n i've taken so many road detours tt i feel i m still getting nowhere in my writing.. hate the feeling.. wish i din jus begun writing, but tt i hv a showcase of works to choose from to submit for the writing competition. my fren is always so encouraging. she's almost done with hers (written in chinese).. til Thurs.. nothing is final til Thurs comes to an end.

i bought Simple Plan's latest album. haha.. finally cldnt resist that either. i dunno when i started to buy CDs, but they aint so bad after all. it comes with a DVD too, so tt's gotta make it worth the dollars. n onli after purchasing then i realise that i dun see the song tt i posted last week. i was a little caught in my nerves tt i wld b wasting all my money if that song isnt in that album. the guy re-assured me tt there were no new singles, n Simple Plan onli has 2 albums so far. it wasnt in the first one either. onli when i got back home, then the full assurance came. the song is also known as 'untitled'.. i even get to watch the mtv version online. it din really tie in with how i feel for the song, but it does speak a very loud msg.. go chk it out.. :)

n currently, as if i hv not told the whole world yet.. i am sick!... nth serious.. jus coughs n a small leak in the nose.. but it irritates me to the bone.. how m i sposed to enjoy my KL trip tis weekend? *darn..

a few words stuck in my head:

banal, rancor, rancidity...

suddenly tis song came to mind last nite n continues to haunt me today...

How Could This Happen To Me
Simple Plan

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light.
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain

*CHORUS*
How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just want to scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I want to start this over again
So I try to hold
On to a time when
Nothing mattered
And I can't explain
What happened and I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't

*CHORUS*
I've made my mistakes
Got nowhere to run
The night goes on as I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just want to scream
How could this happen to me

---

updates: (backward)

yesterday, i went down to Liberte with a group of galfrens tis time - my batchmaties. we had a good jap meal, considerably cheap for jap food. i din eat anything raw tho chirashi was crying out to be ordered. no, i din. we shared their cold soba as a side dish. that was tantalizing. again the music at the lounge was too loud for our liking, very hard to talk there.. :(

managed to run 2 rounds at NTU.. phewww... thot i would die halfway.. almost din wanna run it for the 2nd round if not for the encouragement, or the lack of agreement for stopping.. *grinz.. (thx Sin!)..

n we - the foursome - managed to run to Orchard last Friday!! hehee.. the rain stopped jus nicely, n i simply love the lush smell of green. the fresh smell after a rain. tho cars were breezing by us, their smell was quite muffled. it reminded me very much of my first run to Orchard, about the same weather and feeling. n din was good too. i m falling in love with the small makan places at far east. food there is reasonably cheap, being in Orchard, n good too. n i get to savour canto.. love that language.. :D

oh, to share briefly on a success story about running too.. teehee.. *sheepish grin.. my 2nd brother managed to run to his "girlfren's" house somewhere near Bkt Gombak MRT.. after a few early morning runs with him, i'm so proud of him. well, our routes are usually short, medium n long n we hv to get up ard 530am! usu bcos of me as i hv to go work evry morning, not like that lucky brat who has afternoon or night shifts at times.. haiz.. my 2nd brother.. he's working his Romeo spell again.. at least i dun hv to worry bout him being gay anymore.. lol... mind u, there was a time i felt that way k!!.. :P

---

coming up:

tis weekend i will b gg for a 3D2N church camp.
a time for meditation. a time to think about God n my life.

thunder. lightning. rain.
my love for running compels me to hate them.
but i will still love.

to seek happiness in solitude...

i decided on lunching alone, armed with a book to read. my lunch spot was re-routed to canteen 5, as i saw my postgrad n his wife walking towards my intended canteen B. so i went further to seek refuge, n from the geography of NTU, canteen 5 is not near. i went past the chinese heritage building n wondered what they have inside. i like the red brick walls, and windows set in the olden times.

enroute to canteen 5, i came into view of the yunnan pond. it was beautiful n breath taking at that time of the hour. the heat was cooler by the soft breeze as memory went back to a time at another place. the serenity was beckoning, n i wished i could lunch there. alas, no shelter and it would be grilling to be under the hot sun.

the food in canteen 5 was nowhere near canteen 2, n i shd hv opted for canteen 4 when i passed by there. however both lacked in variety. lunch was over in a jiffy and it was not a place i would want to remain for long, not even to read my book. so i shifted elsewhere, to have a cuppa. i went past the chinese heritage building again, n saw the 204 steps i climbed before. being the scientist that i m, i decided to repeat my experiment n see if i counted correctly. i shdn't hv doubted myself cos now it came to 205 steps. i guess a third counting is very much in need to justify the correct number of steps now.

of cos, i m not all so bonkers a scientist. partly my reason to ascend the great height was the french cafe in the admin annexe building. it wasnt a new place, but one tt i had in mind to try out for some time. n today was no better day (since, yes, it is very much a slacker's day). it was much to my disappointment as there wasnt much selection of cakes and coffee. i had my usual cuppa, n read a little more. the place was quite hot too, considering that i was sweltering after the climb. then it rained a little, and i cooled down. it felt better than. even i felt better.

now i'm back in my lab. again in solitude. everyone is gone. but it's okie. i guess i can once again be happy in solitude. :)

oh yea, forgot to blog bout the eventful thurs nite. *chuckles.. went to hunt for the free red wine at CHIJMES with Fongky. hehee.. yea yea, alcoholic.. or mb the pull for free stuff is stronger and it made my skin thicker too. had to ask this other dining place first where the ladies nite would be, n those girls were very helpful too. i guess mb one alcoholic can see thru to the other one. i'm sure those girls had their fill before. *grinz..

our entrance to Liberte wasnt a grand one. it made us felt so guilty, so cheapskate. hehee.. one mus bear with the price of gg for free stuff.. so we stuffed ourselves with calamari tho we were then quite full. the red wine was okie, not those of very low or distasteful standard. it mus hv cost the place a bomb to host ladies nite, that may b why it was not written anywhere on their board. it was a cool hang-out place, only that the music got louder by the hour. but i like the feel inside the place. two glasses of red wine, n i dare not go for a third. they din offer to fill up my wine glass anyway. they were probably trained not to ask, not to serve unless requested. my alcoholic tolerance is wearing off by and by. one day i may jus get drunk by drinking beer alone.

One Night Stay at Orchard Road

I had been to Orchard to "torn" before. It was not new to me, but it was always in a big crowd and for festive occasions like Christmas eve or New Year eve. Last Thursday was a first for me alone with my faithful friend FK - a girl. There was no presence of any male egoism, and it pleased me so to be able to exude that independence from them. I felt that there was never a need for them to start off with. But as the night darkened, I harkened and grew more fearful of my surroundings. The night surrounded by light did not feel safe anymore, not as safe as it was with the warmth of male companionship.

However the pleasure of chatting with a girlfriend and of sharing a wonderful experience together was paramount. It was late, and though ceaseless thoughts of the open option to hop onto a taxi to take us home were very inviting. Yet neither of us succumbed to it. Perhaps there was a secret mission unknown to ourselves as to why we were there that night.

The hours dripped slowly by. One learns that when one waits, one ages. The first train was slow in the coming. And already FK and I were quite a sack of nerves. We had prowled from where we were seated in the hazy light of Mandarin Meritius towards the shadows of Orchard MRT, but the train station did not receive us. And again the car came to haunt us. Goodness must be so strong and inculcated in this lonely driver, else all wickedness prevailed. I took side on none, but pondered about which verdict would have been correct. My great fear that he would stop and jump out of the car to grab us did not materialize. Thank God.

Our walk towards the shadows also allowed us to brush shoulders with a prostitute. If my first sight of them in Geylang not that many weeks ago was an eye-opener, this one would be the opener to the other closed eye. She was dressed demurely and almost like any other young lady. I did not suspect anything until FK pointed out to me. Sure enough, we observed her as she went from one man to the other. At that hour and she was there. Strange things do happen when you are out in Orchard for a night.

yes, Dogville is certainly something I'd never expect. Its name sounds dodgy, and perhaps a 2nd class movie. But no, Dogville is now highly recommended, and of world class standard! I really enjoyed the movie last night over at Fongky's. Without her, the movie would have been non-existence for me. *thanx gal!

The part that striked me the most is that Grace is arrogant. I like the way her father depicted it. How she forgave and condone the acts of others, and it was all because she was arrogant. And Grace was like grace. She wasn't really needed by the town, in fact she was there to provide what did not need to be done, but that which you won't mind being done for you. First came the acceptance of Grace, then to forgive her, and finally to take her for granted, and to take advantage of her. And for all that, Grace is arrogant!

Other highlights in my life:

I permed my hair!!! Hahaa.. I did not want to publicize this yet until I have shocked enough people. And bless Fongky for bringing her camera as she came over to NTU to visit. I've posted my new hairdo in my yahoo photos, though don't expect too drastic a change. I decided to spare my hair from highlighting, and somehow I felt it would be very unlike me to have any other hair colour except black.

Last Friday my boss went to Swizterland with one of my postgrad students, so currently I can slack all I want in lab, considering that I don't have much ado. The postgrad is not that enthu to teach me, and neither am I that enthu to learn LC-MS (i'll spare those non-science people the "gory" details of this technique). Plus, he did not know much, so I'll just wait till my other postgrad come back, and he's more sure, I hope! So yesterday was my super slack day after the long weekend. And since Fongky popped by, we went with another friend to the coffee place in NIE as he is part-timing there. Even he doesn't know what the name of the place is, but it is cosy and I won't mind spending a whole afternoon reading. Coffee is remarkably cheap too, as you get somewhere near Coffee Bean standard. Hm, when else would I be able to find time off to sit and read there, I wonder. My boss will be back next Monday.

Today is so-so a slack day. Managed to catch a wink of two 20minutes interval while doing experiments. Then momie called during lunch hour and I had to go Jurong Point to help her open a bank account because the bank requested for a PR holder to sign credibility for her good character (what kind of new rule is this?!). So I went during my 1-hour interval. The heat today is unbearable. It gave me a splitting headache, and I was thinking of downing coffee from BoonLay to conquer drowsiness but time was not on my side. And I parted with $10 for a charity partly because the volunteer was too fast a speaker and partly because I was still in a half-dazed state. I just wanted him to go away. And for that $10 I got a booklight, so now I can use that to read books until late at night without disturbing my mother too much.

I'm craving for a run, the $3 cheesecake from the new cafe in my school, and the 50cents coffee from BoonLay NTWU.

As I passed the causeway bridge, a dark, black body of sea greeted me. On my return, it wasn't any softened either. The dark clouds of rain capitalised on the pending gloom, and the lightning only made the contrast more striking. Such was the atmosphere that greeted my mother's homecoming to Singapore.

today is spring cleaning day.. hahaha.. i know, i know.. it's not anywhere near chinese new year, or any public holiday in that respect, but MOMIE IS COMING HOME TODAY!!! *grinz..

took another off day. i think i enjoy taking off days too much. might b bad esp if i exhaust them all... well, nowhere near that yet, still hav 11 more off days.. :)

one whole morning of getting my room cleaned up, n organized.. i'm now a proud lady of the house. i think i like this feel, of cleaning the house n getting everything neat n tidy. then i'll spend the time listening, or rather blasting, music from my comp while reading a book. it feels good, feels like i own this place n there's nothing else i need to do but to keep this place in order. then the rest of the time i can jus do whatever pleases me. tt's good. haha.. sadly, life is not as simple, or mb it's jus perceived as such...

weekend was good, but very tiring. learnt that being saved n being safe are two very different thing. it is one thing to know that in Christ i am saved... n yet another to say i am safe. it may just not be so. life has its perils, i may embark into one of them n lose everything in it. i dun know. i'm still working out on this aspect. tt's all i can say for now..

ooh.. my GB girls won SILVER in the competition !!! so proud of each n every one of them.. *beam.. so waking up at 5am on Sat, going down to Fairfield Methodist Sec Sch, sending them all the way to Sentosa in their bus coach.. well, all that is definitely not wasted.. it wasnt wasted at the start of that day anyway, cos i know each of them really treasure the support. love them, now am going to miss them cos me dunno what else is going to happen next. with the end of this competition, it kinda marks the end of my work with them. hmm.. shall see what else comes next...

okies, the lady of the house now wishes to return to her books, with her Avril Lavinge blasting in her ears.. yes, she likes a pear from the fridge too... *poof...

had a most interesting day. n yes, it is GOOD to take half day off from work. mb i shd do that more often. *grinz..

went Orchard searching high n lo for the firstlove art exhibition. apparently i forgot the address, jus knew tt it was near Borders. almost lost hope in ever finding it, n was thinking whether to call up dear ol' Fongky n ask her to chk on the web for me. well, thank God i managed to find it finally altho it is really in a very recluse place - Shaw Centre. perhaps it is overshadowed by Lido, as tt's where most of the crowd usu goes to.

hmm.. my first Christian art exhibition.. what to say. how to compare. it's really a different feel altogether from Teo Eng Seng's @ Holland V. tho i started off with the same 'chicken' feeling of entering the exhibition alone. somehow quite scared, n had to pace outside the shop a while before gathering enough courage to enter. (perhaps, i shd hv called Fongky to ask for directions, then can drag her down too. hehh..) well, Mr Samuel Teo sorta left me alone to view his art. he was expecting his students to come, so... yea, definitely not as frenly n as inviting as the other Mr Teo. but his art is rather self-explanatory n has a very clear message.. not forgetting to mention that he actually wrote his own words with Bible verses either on the side of the canvas or on it. i like the words, it sorta blend in with the art. i like his art, it sorta speaks the words. n Mr Teo is self-taught too, all the more admirable. i left my contact in his guestbook, perhaps he might send me an invite to his next art exhibition.. till then, i might drag other ppl down with me.

after the fresh n refreshing art experience, i made my way down to Kinokuniya. i know, Borders was nearer to where i was then, but i like Kino more. cos there is this side corridor by a large pane of glass window (tt which Mr J n Fongky n Alex spent our time there last time, n which has now become my fave spot), n it's absolutely marvellous to sit there hours to read a book (yea, i still dun hv the habit of buying books, not yet..). it reminds me of the shot in Lost in Translation where the woman sat by the window sill of the high-rise building overlooking the skyscrapers in Japan. i like that kind of feel. sadly they hv removed the tables n chairs outside the balcony belonging to coffee club. all the better actually, cos then less intrusion of privacy for my part. hehh..

read Anna and Mister God today. been wanting to read that book for some time. n it's very good, very thought provoking. the darnest thing is that i din get to finish reading it, n even worse than that, well.. i read the last chapter. cos i wanted to know how Anna died. not that it was the most impt bit of the story, cos i believe how she lived her life as the central theme of the book. so i will still go back to finish up the first part of the trilogy. not too sure whether i can make so many trips back to Kino.. o well, shall see how.. :)

tonite church conference rox! hahaa.. i like the lighting.. they did wonders with it. but of cos, the main focus is God. n yups, u bet Mister God is there alright! hahaa.. he's everywhere.. he's in my middle.. *grinz.. tho i felt quite heavy, quite burdened by the msg.. but it's a good sort of heaviness.. another 2 more days of conference.. then combined church service tis Sun.. yup yup yup.. looking forward to them all.. hee.. better than working.. :P

GOOD MORNING!!!

yes, it has been a long while since i shout out that kinda greeting on my blogpage. hee.. :)

jus feel joyous today. gg to be half day at work, then the rest of the afternoon will b spent at town. this is good. a break that i much needed. will pop by to an art exhibition by Samuel Teo, hope it is sth good, my first taste of Christian art. :D

well, i din take half day off jus to go out n enjoy but cos i thot i needed to do so for my church conference tis weekend, starting tonite. but i guess it was unnecessary cos today's session will onli start at ard 7pm, so i hv time to bum ard.. hee.. i dun mind that either.. hmm.. looking fwd to a great day~! hope the same goes for u!!!

i din know that red wine, plus a late night teh-ping can make me stay up one whole night. hehh.. well, i needed to work on the Bible qstns for last Sat's Sentosa. n it has been a long while since i made do with an hour of sleep before another hectic day. Saturday started off raining, n i hadnt planned for that. n i din hv any wet plan for the GB girls.. aiks.. so a lot of hiccups, but a lot of make-do oso lah.. so the whole thing wasnt that bad, but it wasnt as good as it wld hv been on a dry day either. oh well.. i jus thank God that i had enough helpers, n my dear maties were excellent on that day, esp the one who bao-kah-liao the games for me.. ;)

yea, the red wine bit was my boss' idea of further teaching us how to appreciate red wine. previously my postgrad got us some chip n beer to wind down after a most tense week for my lab. then my boss started to teach us about wine - Bordeaux wine, Australian wine... even went onto brandy n whiskey. hehh.. so last Fri, he decided to let us try some French wine from Bordeaux. quite a good one, really. but it took a while for the wine to oxidise n the taste to be less tangy n sharp. n i ordered pizza for the whole gang cos me thot u shd drink the wine with some food. (as i read in some books, that people wash the meat down with wine...)

well, i'm excited for my GB girls. they'd b gg for their competition tis Sat, gg against 57 other companies, not easy, but i'm sure the girls can handle the situation well. sad thing is tt i wun b able to b of much help or use on that actual day, cos i'll b more of a spectator, n a very distant spectator too. cos i m not sposed to be near to the girls to offer them any help. so i opted to go for my church conference instead. but shall give them a lil coach prep talk b4 they go off to Sentosa.. hehh.. this is sth that i learnt from last Sun's bible class.

ooh.. on that note, i've graduated from my bible class!! heee.. still got one more class to make-up actually, but they allow me to grad first. it reminded me acutely of NUS graduation day. of cos there wasnt a grad gown to wear for tis event lah.. but it was the same gg up the stage to get the cert. only diff is tt my senior pastor prayed for us, n i got to sit 2nd row away from the stage for service. so near to Ps Khong while he was preaching, so scary. even tho i slept onli a wink the night before, i dared not fell asleep in front of Pastor. hehh.. n he looked at the front row several times too.. so paiseh if i fell asleep! n me being one of the graduands. hahaa..

got new books to read. today went over to Lee Wee Nam to photocopy some docs, then stumbled onto Jap books!!! greedy me, took up a stack of 6 books in one go, n used up the remaining quota of my staff lib card. m so happy. hehee.. then last wkend, me managed to get two of Coelho's books: Veronika Decides to Die and Eleven Minutes. i'm not too sure whether i wld hv the time to read n use all these books.. hope so, hope so.. anywayz, better get started with my Jap.. getting late now.. toodles~

got the new evanescence song stuck in my head.. the song with the word 'sacrifice' in the lyrics.. kinda like it..

note for the day: tomorrow's dreams are built on today's sacrifices.

note to others: i've sent my resume out to IMCB, so u guys better be praying hard that i get the job.. n yes, the central theme in the cover letter is on 'dream'... i'm dreaming today, are u? ;)

Disclaimer: Please read the following with a pinch (or a bowl, if needed) of salt.

I cannot or rather I shall not be transparent. It may be hard for you to understand, why it is so difficult for me. Perhaps it seems so unnatural to me, so very vulnerable to allow you to see through me. What else then would be left on me, what else would there be left for you to see? Maybe my greatest struggle is in losing you. That when you finally see and understand my very being, you will leave me, never to cast another look at me again. I don't want to lose you. Yet the irony is that by putting this self on, in the end I lose not only you, but also myself.

give me a break
writing from scratch isn't easy

give me a break
after a long day's work

give me a break
i just want to sleep

tomorrow --- oh, the worst progression of procrastination

taking small positive steps. tt's what i learnt from meeting a fren to talk about a business venture. yes, szeyung is getting herself into financial stuff again, as if her prev rendezvous with insurance agents were not enough. hehhh...

anyway, i'm proud to report that my resume is done up. jus inputted my new working experience n i think tt about settles it. the rest remains cos they're quite concise anyway. as for the cover letter, well... i'm wondering if i shd put in the funky way of starting it: "Do you believe in dreams? It is my dream to work in cancer research especially towards the therapeutic end, and biopolis, to me, has always been a dream place to work in. So, when I attended your previous lectures at NTU, and heard about what your current research interests are, I could not believe my ears. This is exactly what I would love to be working on..."

well, still working on it... hehhh... ;)

i typed this draft on Friday night.. din get to post it online.. cos somehow din know how to end it. hehh... anyway, here it is:

decide to move out of my blue mood. not doing me good anyway.

wednesday found me thinking of one person in particular:
you taught me how to draw shooting stars with four pointy legs n four curvy sides. and it was you who introduced the "stars shining bright above me..." song. i have missed you, and i have lost touch with you somehow. so have all of your other friends here. where are you? i wonder when it would be that i would see you again.

wednesday also found me meeting an old fren from my college days. used to have a liking for him last time. found out that he has a girlfren now in the States. m happy for him. n it was a good time spent chatting, catching up. for once, it's not jus reminiscing bout the past, but oso knowing what the person is really doing, how his job is like now. tho when we parted it felt almost as if we would not b in touch for another long period of time. as if there's not a need to. quite a sad truth that we may hv exhausted all tt is needed to convey between us. i guess that is what happen when frens move out of the usual social circle tt associates them in the past.

thursday found me with a clear decision to leave my current job, more determined than ever. n may this resolution enable me to send out my resume by this weekend. i gave up on an opportunity to study in Japan over a week ago. not that i was close to getting it, i din even fill up the application form. what stopped me was the need to get reference letters, but that made me think seriously bout it. yea, i shdnt b going so soon. not when i hv not establish my grounds in research. i'm still a small fry. furthermore, my finance is not looking very good. i shdnt go over there empty handed n expect them to feed me. there shd b some level of financial sustainability before i go, i told myself tt before.

well, Good Friday is today!!!

---

now it's Sunday.. n i've still not done up my resume n cover letter to send out... *darn..

it's a good feeling to run after a downpour.
cooling n refreshing was the run,
cooling n refreshing to my soul.

i've learnt not to take too much to heart the dead of my lil rammie.. the last n remaining one died yesterday. i was half expecting it to, cos it mus hv been lonely all by itself there.

n i've learnt that stubbornness makes one feel very lonely.

szeyung vs the whole world

decided to eat some ice cream. been wanting to eat the ice cream at home for some time now, but it seems that everytime i came back, it was either too late, or i lost appetite to eat it. n i needed the ice cream to chill out.

the day started bad, started with my lil rammie fish dead. it was more sad that it died over the weekend, n i actualli saw the dead body on Sat without realising it was dead cos my boss n i thot it was hiding up there behind the pumps. then when it was still lingering at the exact same spot today, i smelt sth fishy. true enough, my rammie was dead. so was quite upset bout that, n compose a lil sth for it:

Tribute to my rammie

why the doleful look,
a fish is dead
a fish is dead.

new ones shall come,
a fish is dead
a fish is dead.

don't be so saddened,
a fish is dead
a fish is dead.

it's just a fish!

sorry, it's not that i agree with the consoling words, but rather the same lines were repeated in my head: the fish is dead. haiz... nth much i can do bout it. took a while for my boss to realise the missing fish, n for him to once again say the same lines: "we're not very good at keeping the fish, are we?".. tho "we" are implicated, the accusing tone is not so well hidden. so, haiz..

then tonite... well... haiz... i dun wanna mention bout it anymore. repeated too many mental pictures of what could hv been, how i shd hv reacted, n so forth... still feel the sting, n not too sure how to apologise properly to my fren cos worse of all, she's not even a very close fren tt i keep in touch with. jus tt both of us can click off quite well when we r tgether. ugh.. really wish i can jus melt or fade out from the world then n there..

anyway.. i need more ice cream...

i run when i am happy
i run when i am sad
i run when i have company
i run when i have problems

i run simply because i run.

agony is the wait of no reply
agony is the hope of unfulfillment

Running Frenzy.

My legs wanted to run, and my mind set out the route. My lungs complained that it would be breathing in dust and dirt from the bypassing cars. My right hand refused to carry the pouch as it had done its service on Wednesday night; the left hand didn't seem to mind taking over the duty as it wanted to be useful rather than just punching air. My eyes yearned to see uncharted sights, and my ears could not say anything but only listened to the rest. My body boasted of fats here and there that were very much in want of burning, and perhaps roasting under the hot sun as the body could do with extra Vitamin D supplement. So majority voted, and off I went for my fourth run of the week.

hahaa... a short anecdote. anyway, it was an enjoyable run today albeit it being an alternative plan. i wanted to run around NTU route twice. wanna topped up my stamina in long dist over the weekend. but my tuition got cancelled so there was no need for me to travel down to Boon Lay. well, it's not that i din do enough long dist this week. ran from NTU to CCK last Wed with XM (haha... found a better nickname to refer to u on my bloggie.. Sin is jus, er... u know the Christian context..). gosh, it was a good run.. like the run i had before in ECP long long time ago, where i felt that i could jus run on forever... so good! *thumbs up.. tho i'm not too sure whether we shd try the route again, mb not at such an eerie hour.. *chuckles..

had another run on Friday too, with my ol' jogging kakis. i forgot that NUS route was as challenging. yes, it has been a while. before i started the jog, i went back to Blk 3 in PGP, to catch a glimpse of my dear music room. i miss that place, miss the time while i was studying for my tests then i wld pop over n practise the song piece "Superman" by Five for Fighting. *grinz.. still cant play that song yet. haiz.. a long way to go before i can play a decent tune on the piano. then after the jog we went to west coast... haiz.. brings back memories of days gone by. but yea, it has changed. i din like the change, tho it might b welcoming to hv a cool hang-out place like McD, west coast can do well without it.

ooh, to my jogging kaki enthusiasts, here are the distances:

NTU extended route (XM n me usu run) - 5.5km
NTU shorter 179 route (Fongky n me) - 3.7km
NTU to CCK (from XM's hall to my blk) - surprisingly onli 10km
NUS A2 route - 4.4km
NUS to Orchard 106 route (from PGP to Tanglin Mall) - 6.8km

however ridiculously short the distances actually are, my personal advise is not to be fooled, cos the slopes are not taken into consideration n those are the real killers in a run.. :S

oh, n i hereby announce myself as a proud member of National Library Board. *grinz.. finally made up my mind to sign up for membership, since it's onli $10.50 n it's for lifetime, or rather as long as my PR is still valid. i'm always a person for borrowing books, more than buying them. n the national library has more fiction. managed to borrow Oscar Wilde's short stories and Kundera's Farewell Waltz. at first i thot Kundera was some serious writer because of all the titles of his books that i've heard, but they are all novels. perhaps his writing is as meaningful as Coelho's or Morrie's. i'm still reading to find out...

it's good to chat with a friend unreservedly about ur problems...

it's bad when things are not going the way u want them to..

it's always good to run, regardless where n when, even if the sun decides to come out blazingly, or if it hides behind the clouds.

i guess this is one of those times when i wld start off by saying i shdnt b blogging.. heck.. i shant feel guilty bout blogging, not when i feel that this is going to b an impt entry. anyway, i hv to wait for my laundry to be done.. tho i guess i hv to help my fren edit n format her resume.. but well.. i can always sleep less, n give my boss the tired look again tmr.. :P

Family.

I love my family, if I have not mentioned this point enough or wrote about it before. And today being home after one whole week of absence makes me feel that obscure love even more. My family has never been demonstrative in terms of showing love for one another. In fact, I started telling my mom "I love you" and "I miss you" 5 years ago when I realise that such words are not to be kept inside the heart only. Sadly, this is not the way with my two brothers. Our love remains very much hidden in words and actions, but I can feel it tender and light as it may be.

On Saturday, my sister-in-law approached me with the question whether I would be around on Sunday because she wanted to cook lunch. Of course, she did not ask out of the sake of cooking enough for the family, but it was asked to tell me that she wants me to be around. I was very much waiting for them to ask because it is rare for me to go missing every night and to come home very late. I usually make it a point to be around at home on some days of the week, especially on Sunday as that is what I take as my family day.

My eldest brother felt my absence too. On Sunday night, he wanted me to buy Pepsi Twist when I come back. Of course, he was lazy to go down and buy himself, but I feel that this was another way of him telling me to come back early; he needs his Pepsi. Hahaa.. But I was at my friend's lab until very late, so by the time I did come back, he was sleeping already.

My second brother has always been the closest to me. However, we have not talked much for a long time. Now the new place is not helping either. Because whenever they switch on their air-con, it also means close-door policy is reinforced. And the living room is under-used for family gathering and usually used just to watch TV. Thankfully today, we went for a run. I did not drag my second brother; he wanted to run. *chuckles.. And I needed a run anyway, trying to up my running to three times a week. We did not run much because he had not run for a few months, but we did get to talk. That was good. Then we went to Choa Chu Kang Park, the one next to Lot1. It was my first time there because I never dare to venture in there alone. A nice park, reminds me of West Coast, with the sound of the waves replaced by the sound of traffic on the Kranji Expressway.

So my family is very important to me. The only conflict sometimes is when God comes into the picture. There are times when my mother would make mention about Christianity and how it has affected her family, meaning my grandparents, uncles and aunts. It hurts me. Then there was one Sunday when I had concluded my bible study, my eldest brother was rather happy because then I could be around at home to help out with some stuff. My mother made mention of that too. And I know it is true, therefore it hurts me. I can't give up on my family, more so I can't give up on God. I just wish, pray that one day both will reconcile.

Howl's Moving Castle is just marvellous! It tickles n warms my heart, completely winning me over. I jus love Studio Ghibli's works. Howl's is somewhat different from Whisper of the Heart, Princess Mononoke, and Grave of the Fireflies in that all these are quite touchy, and realistic (except for Mononoke). I wasnt very much taken with Spirited Away, cos i felt it rather abstract n difficult for me to catch. Howl's just captures me. It's hilarious like The Incredibles, and yet it moves u to sigh.. *haiz.. wish I can be Sophie, then I wun mind being old.. haha..

tonite me managed to hv a lil movie marathon with dear Fongky. *grinz.. thanks old gal. needed someone to watch Howl's with me, n my eld brother was my last option. hehe.. not that he doesn't make good company, but he'd be coupled with his wife, n after the show, it's not the same as with ur fren when u can remember n talk n laugh bout certain parts of the show.. *smile..

Lemony Snicket's was a... erm... well, i dun read the book so i did not know what to expect. n at first i thot it was a scary show cos i had to calculate the duration of the movie so as to chk that we wld still hv public transport to get back home, so i went to their official website.. the eye was so scary.. n imagine me viewing it late last nite... eekies!.. anyway, the movie was okie lah.. (cannot b compared with my Howl's.. *chuckles.. yesh, u shall hear me "howling".. wld love to watch this animation again..).. tho i mus admit it has a very brilliant intro to the show, got us fooled that we got into the wrong cinema.. hehee.. n the more memorable part of the show being these words: "The world may be sinister, but there's still much good in it than bad..." or sth to that effect. i think tt's comforting to know. :)

other movies that i watched in the cinema for the past month: Constantine and The Aviator. both are quite good. i love Keanu in Constantine, n somehow cant get rid of the image of him giving the devil the F-finger when he got admitted into heaven.. i din expect to like The Aviator cos i wasnt much of a fan of DiCaprio, n i was thinking of watching it on VCD. *grinz.. but i did enjoy the show, esp as it is based on true story. i feel that there is so much we can learn from the life of other ppl. i like Beautiful Mind too - the story of Nash Brown.

sigh.. i love to watch movies. :)

vanity of all vanity, i decided on painting my fingernails while waiting for my hair to dry. but it's certainly not easy. yest nite i gave up with jus my lil left pinkie painted.. tonite is jus the same sad story, now my lil right pinkie painted.. Lol... i got this sudden impulse to improve the outlook on my nails after this free nail art session at NTU welfare fair some two weeks ago. my nails looked nice painted, but the stupid me din know how long it would take them all to dry before i started on my experiment. so down the drain went all the nice work of the professional lady. aiks.. n i had to get nail remover to get the smeared paint off... bought myself a lil pink bottle that time too.. only began experimentation last nite.. now i know it's not easy to paint nails.. aiks.. :(

since i m away from work for now, thot i'll blog a lil tho i feel very much at the point of not knowing where to pick up. i've left so many parts of my life unblogged when i hv very much wanted to include them here. n over the weekend i wanted to write a looong blog.. but was too tired.. m tired now too.. tt's why i took an unofficial off from work. physically i m sposed to b at this symposium, which is rather unrelated to my current research work. mb onli the free food is relevant.. Lol..

went for GB camp over the weekend. learnt and received a lot from there. the speakers were very motivational n inspirational. i figured it out myself that these two terms are very different. the first one being to spur u on in what u are currently doing, n the latter being the pull to try new things. they are that powerful because they have lived the life that they speak of, dunno how many years of serving in GB.. m i willing to give myself to that? God, is that ur calling for me?

tis coming weekend is another session of drill.. n the thrill of it all is that i will b clad in a uniform when i graduate from this training course.. hee.. call it a girl dream of mine to be in a uniformed group. always wanted to b in redcross back in Brunei, but i rmbr one of the criteria being that u need to b citizen, so i din try for it. so.. heh heh hehhh.. now i will get the chance.. *happy..

then oso started my tuition sessions with this lil damsel again. i simply hope jus to make her want to study. i see the potential in her; she can b smart if she wants to be. mb she's jus off-track at the moment. haiz.. i need to make her study. good thing is i'm not showing her my soft-side anymore. not going to let her hv things her way. but i'm not such a meanie. her mom is quite another case oso. onli when her daughter is going to hv exams then she calls me back. haiz.. well, i'm trying not to b a spoilt market anymore by charging her too cheaply as what my other frens would say of me when i taught her last year. increased the price by jus a lil notch. grinz..

outside, my sound system is playing Ivory III.. testing how it would like given the concert effect.. terribly good, i mus admit.. n oso the lil scratchy noise that is heard in my ripped version in my comp got me into a fright. i thot i scratched the CD.. but phew.. it's still in excellent condition.. ;)

going back to hear.. n rest.. i need a good rest.. no stress.. Goodbye Yesterday is on.. my fave of them all..