i guess this is one of those times when i wld start off by saying i shdnt b blogging.. heck.. i shant feel guilty bout blogging, not when i feel that this is going to b an impt entry. anyway, i hv to wait for my laundry to be done.. tho i guess i hv to help my fren edit n format her resume.. but well.. i can always sleep less, n give my boss the tired look again tmr.. :P

Family.

I love my family, if I have not mentioned this point enough or wrote about it before. And today being home after one whole week of absence makes me feel that obscure love even more. My family has never been demonstrative in terms of showing love for one another. In fact, I started telling my mom "I love you" and "I miss you" 5 years ago when I realise that such words are not to be kept inside the heart only. Sadly, this is not the way with my two brothers. Our love remains very much hidden in words and actions, but I can feel it tender and light as it may be.

On Saturday, my sister-in-law approached me with the question whether I would be around on Sunday because she wanted to cook lunch. Of course, she did not ask out of the sake of cooking enough for the family, but it was asked to tell me that she wants me to be around. I was very much waiting for them to ask because it is rare for me to go missing every night and to come home very late. I usually make it a point to be around at home on some days of the week, especially on Sunday as that is what I take as my family day.

My eldest brother felt my absence too. On Sunday night, he wanted me to buy Pepsi Twist when I come back. Of course, he was lazy to go down and buy himself, but I feel that this was another way of him telling me to come back early; he needs his Pepsi. Hahaa.. But I was at my friend's lab until very late, so by the time I did come back, he was sleeping already.

My second brother has always been the closest to me. However, we have not talked much for a long time. Now the new place is not helping either. Because whenever they switch on their air-con, it also means close-door policy is reinforced. And the living room is under-used for family gathering and usually used just to watch TV. Thankfully today, we went for a run. I did not drag my second brother; he wanted to run. *chuckles.. And I needed a run anyway, trying to up my running to three times a week. We did not run much because he had not run for a few months, but we did get to talk. That was good. Then we went to Choa Chu Kang Park, the one next to Lot1. It was my first time there because I never dare to venture in there alone. A nice park, reminds me of West Coast, with the sound of the waves replaced by the sound of traffic on the Kranji Expressway.

So my family is very important to me. The only conflict sometimes is when God comes into the picture. There are times when my mother would make mention about Christianity and how it has affected her family, meaning my grandparents, uncles and aunts. It hurts me. Then there was one Sunday when I had concluded my bible study, my eldest brother was rather happy because then I could be around at home to help out with some stuff. My mother made mention of that too. And I know it is true, therefore it hurts me. I can't give up on my family, more so I can't give up on God. I just wish, pray that one day both will reconcile.