okies, done with fish tank for today. found out that when the fishies died, the pH went up to as high as 8.76, which is not very good for the neon tetras since they prefer an acidic environment. so i had to add ard 10ml 6M HCl, which is quite a lot, but this only lowers down the pH to 6.47, which is good enough. haiz.. n this process repeats every day. double haiz..

ever since we bought the fish aquarium n plants, i hv been put into sole responsibility over them. to feed, wash n clean them.. these roles seem to be incorporated into my job portfolio, n somehow i feel uneasy or somewhat guilty if anything happens to them. not my fault, i understand that cos none of us are expert at keeping fish n plants here, but somehow i feel that my boss seem to want me to take great care that none shd perish... sadly, that's not the case. the little fishies are still adamant about death.. that's nature's course, what m i to do bout it? prolong their lives? sure, give me the money then i will go get the water supplements that they may need. haiz..

talking bout work, my postgrad is not here yet. he's sposed to teach me FPLC this morning since i hav 6 hours to burn while waiting for my bact to express the protein. i cant blame anyone that i'm in this fix. i had to go church yest n so when my bact din grow to the expected population density to express the protein, i couldnt stay back to wait for them to grow n multiply in numbers. i had to go to church. n i had to go home to watch Infernal Affairs 3. i know this is stupid, but it's not often that they show it on TV, n if i do come back to work after church, then what.. i would still hv to lower the temp to slow down the growth process of the bact so that it will not get overpopulated, starved then died.. n i will still hv to wait.. so my postgrad had this brilliant idea.. lower the temp to a greater extent, come back the next morning, n induce the bact for protein expression for 6 hrs. n i asked him, what m i sposed to do during the 6 hrs??? n he said that a lot of things could be done. like??? then he said he could teach me FPLC since he would be coming back this morning...

but here i m typing all this here, while waiting.. n my physically tired mind refuses to absorb any words, n it refuses to shut down either... sheesh..

n thinking about work, should i still continue working here? my contract ends this August. granted that i m learning a lot of techniques that i hv not done before. granted also that all these are impt n useful in my career. granted also that i'm anticipating to hav a paper published which my postgrad said would b inevitable because the protein we're working on are new n no one else hav much data on their structures. n granted also that my boss is nice n he has not scolded me, not yet... but still, all these i can get from elsewhere too. i'm looking at my dream place, biopolis, which i would love to be. where i hv more frens. n there being research institutes, surely their output of published journal is higher. n mb, jus mb, i dun hav to come back on weekends.

now, why getting a paper published is so impt to me.. well, for one, it has been a parcel of my dream to see my name in print in a journal. last time, before i truly came to know God, i once thot that for the world to remember me, this would be the way. so that years later, someone would pick up n read my journal. of cos, there are other ways of leaving a legacy for ppl to remember u. some might even think it unnecessary. what for? anyway, that's one reason.. n secondly, it will help a lot when i apply to study in Japan, not only to get me into their uni, but also hopefully some form of sponsorship or scholarship.

my dialoging with my insurance frens hav shown me facts n figures that it is gonna b financially tough for me to pursue my studies in Japan because I will need to save a lot, n it being such a short term thinggy, would be hard for me to invest or buy any form of insurance that would help me to increase my savings. i might still go into investment, but looking at the risks, at times it scares me. well, it's a hard slap on the face that if i dun spend wisely now, i might as well forget bout this whole thing. however, there's a reassuring faith too, that says God will provide. somehow, not sure how, i dun hv to be too troubled, too worried bout this whole financial issue. somehow, God will provide. this does not mean i can slack n not save. no, this simply means that i dun hv to be too worried. :)

my postgrad is still not here.. what time is he coming? haiz... i might as well do some jap then. or go blog surfing.. grinz.. it's rather interesting to read blogs at times, tho i mus b careful not to laugh too loudly or the nextdoor Thai postgrad might think i've gone nuts.. :P