loose segments of my life

my Brunei trip

Not many knew, but I went back to Brunei to pack up the remains of my stuff during the first four days of November, and possibly I will never to return to the green, green land of home. But who am I to claim that as my home? Especially when I have no house, no land, no property of any sorts there. Only a history, only in my memory. I feel like a nomad once again, living in a country not my own. Even Malaysia feels foreign to me.

Before I divert, allow me to route out my trip:

1 Nov - went to Senai Airport, JB; a delayed flight which reached Kuching very late at night. I went to stay at my youngest aunt's house. It's been ages since I last saw her, and now she's married with 3 children. I fell in love instantly with my youngest cousin there.

2 Nov - took a morning flight to Miri, then stayed the night there with my mother's friend's family.

3 Nov - went down to Brunei by car. Met up with my aunt, then had an impromptu meeting with my ex's family. I intended to meet only with my ex's sister. But her mother wanted to treat me. She asked so I told her I have a boyfriend now, and she was happy for me. Somehow her happiness did not rub a very good effect on me. Took a 2-hour bus ride up to the capital, and met Ming. Saw him practised his latin salsa with a hot girl, who he claimed to be 16 and too young for him. *Laugh. Met one of my tuition kids. All grown up now, and working too. He drove me back to Seria. Met another guy from my school days. Felt like I did not know what to do for him. He seemed to have lost all hopes for the future.

4 Nov - went back to Miri airport to catch my flight to KL. Met Seanie and he treated me to a wonderful lunch at Chili where there's free flow of ice lemon tea or any juices. Just felt bad that everytime I went down to KL, i had a very limited amount of time to spend with him. But i'm still glad to get to catch up with him. Took a 4.30pm bus to Singapore. Reached back to where home is now at 9.30pm.

All in all, a very rushed and packed trip. But I did enjoy it.

And for once, I did not blog before I went traveling unlike previously. I guess, I have learnt that I do not want people to remember me for the good-byes I say to them, but for who I am to them at any point of time. :)

my First marathon

It's more then a quarter of walkathon mixed in, really. We were not ready for it yet, did not train enough. But one never knows when it is enough until one tries the real thing. So finishing it was great. Painful but great. Now I'm the owner of a black "Finisher of 42.195km" adidas shirt. :D

Who Am I
by Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Chorus x2

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

an interesting dialogue with the doctor:

Doc: Hm, do you exercise?
Me: Well yes, I run.
Doc: How often?
Me: One, two, three times a week.
Doc: How far? (unconvinced, i think)
Me: Oh, 5-8km.
Doc: No wonder your heart rate is so low. What time do you usually run?
Me: Uh, in the evenings. I can't get up in the morning.
Doc: Before or after dinner?
Me: After.
Doc: No wonder you're so skinny. How long after your dinner?
Me: 1-2 hours. I usually run around 9pm.
Doc: Ah. 2 hours is good. Not good to run too soon after your dinner. If you're older, you stand a chance to get heart attack. 'Cos 30% of your blood goes to your stomach. And if you're running, some blood will go to your lower limbs. That leaves very little for your heart and brain.
Me: (nods head)
Doc: You know what happens in picnic. They eat a lot then go to the sea to swim. It's no wonder they get cramps and some even lose their lives.
Me: (gulps, and continue to nod head)
Doc: And those who run before dinner, like around 6pm, they have a fantastic dinner after that, then sit down to watch TV or do something inactive, and where all the food go to? (here, she gestured with her right hand her tummy area)
Me: (laugh)
Doc: But isn't your metabolic rate increased after your run? People usually find it hard to sleep after exercising because of the increased metabolic rate. But you're a student, so I supposed you use that time to study?
Me: Uh, no. I'm a staff actually. I'm working now.
Doc: (stare at me) So you don't find it hard to sleep after your run?
Me: Well, I wash my hair then wait for it to dry before I sleep. I normally sleep around 12.
Doc: What time do you run until?
Me: Usually 10pm.
Doc: Ah. There are those people who run and then drop dead tired and sleep. I supposed you belong to that group.
Me: (laugh)
Doc: And you'd better not run when you're sick. No running for the next three days.
Me: Oh.
Doc: 'Cos you're having a viral infection. And you don't want the virus to go elsewhere. There are cases, not often, but there are cases of virus going to the muscles and heart. There's this story of an American who had a virus infection, and was told not to exercise. But he did not follow the advice and did all sorts of exercise anyway. Finally, he got a serious case of diarrhea at night and he hardly managed to crawl back to his bed. The virus got into the nerves of his lower limbs, and he was paralysed. Normally such cases are reversible in about a week or so, but he wasn't so lucky as the virus got into his spinal cord. He died when he was being treated in America. So these are very rare cases, but listen if you want.
Me: Oh. (nods head)

Conclusion: I won't be running for the next 3 days. ;p

I don't what you do to me but
Everytime I'm with you its a natural high
its like re-discovering Eden
with chocolate-coated rainbows and cotton candy skies
And everytime you look my way
I wish I had the guts to say


There's something in your eyes
Something in your smile
Something in the way you move me
You make me want to sing
Make me want to dance
Make me want to cry
I'm falling in love with you.


I think I'll hire Cupid
He'll make you see I'm more than your friend
You'll be tossing and turning
Counting the hours till you see me again
And when we meet you'll
Kiss my hand and say the words I've longed to hear


There's something in your eyes
Something in your smile
Something in the way you move me
You make me want to sing
Make me want to dance
Make me want to cry
I'm falling in love with you
You make me want to sing
Make me want to dance
Make me want to cry
I'm falling in love with you.

It's October.. Whatever happened to September... Sigh... well, time to wake up, wake up!!!

Working in NUS for over two month. And now I'm termed as 'homeless'. My currect lab does not meet the lab accreditation for BSL-2 settings, so I can't have the clinical lab here. Kinda sad cos if you know me, I can grow quite accustomed to a place. Plus, there's a great view, and plenty of space for now. And I've designed a layout of how the clinical lab will look like.

My boss trusts me pretty much, too much sometimes. I guess he needs to be wary that I may not know what I am doing at times. Perhaps he realise that by now. Realise that I may be too free for my good too. So he proposed that I present a paper for the TI journal club this Thursday. He will go through the presentation with me first on Wednesday so that I won't screw up big time. *sigh.. At times I wonder if I'm a little incompetent in the things I do. I screw up quite a number of times liao.

I wish, my wish... That if I do hop on to another new job in future, I may go to a more established lab. One that I can practically start working in the lab on the first day.

Thinking about studies. About languages. About Masters. Not too sure though if I'll be embarking into the latter at all. But if I intend to stay on in research for the next 10 years, I'd better consider it carefully. Just that I don't want to do it here. Hoping for other options to open to me. God will provide. He always does. Just that knowing this still does not stop me from thinking about it. Hee.. ;)

Oyea.. thank God that I escape from being charged $150 by the IRAS for not e-filing. The three words I kept repeating to explain myself were: "I'm not aware", which I honestly did not. I'm quite gullible at times when it comes to online or e-stuff. Hehh.. But now I have to pay my income tax. *acks.. not cheap, not cheap.

Well, October marks another month which I will be broke again, I figure. I'll have to spend on air tickets to go home next month. Ah, to go home. Possibly for the last time. I can't wait to go home. See familiar faces there, only those that I want to see. Also packing up the remainder of my stuff there.

Oh, Brunei, Brunei.

All For Love
by Hillsong United

Verse 1:
All for love a Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love the heavens cried
For love was crucified

Pre-chorus:
Oh, how many times have I broken your heart
But still you forgive if only I ask
And how many times have you heard me pray
Draw near to me

Chorus:
Everything I need is You
My beginning and forever
Everything I need is You

Verse 2:
Let me sing all for love
I will join the angel's song
Ever Holy is the Lord
King of Glory, King of All

Bridge:
All for love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the cross draw man to you

Hello NUS

I've been back here for about 3 weeks now. Time really flies, but otherwise, things have moved slowly in the lab. I am to wait until the existing lab evacuate to the old IMCB building before I can set up my new lab. Then that will be another few months before I can do anything solid.

I have coined this as my 'honeymoon' period, but one which I don't seem to enjoy so much. NUS holds a lot of my past here, and these bygone weeks, I have met people of my past. Some are not pleasant at all, and it reminded me again why I was so eager to leave NUS behind. Building bridges again is not an easy task.

But I am thankful for some people who turn out to be valuable lunch buddies. I thank God for the great location right next to Dover too. Puts me 15 minutes away from FMSS, and I can pop by there ever so frequent that perhaps one day the security guy might just get too suspicious to let me in anymore. *Kidding. He knows me well. I thank God also because it puts me near to someone, but sometimes it can be nerve wrecking to be so near and yet so far.

Still, it's good to be back.

I had a most excellent serving of red wine last week. My postgrad decided to entreat us to a bottle of Margaux. Excellent and well accomplished, really! I enjoyed every bit of it, and every sublimation of tranquility in the taste. My boss told us it's mainly consisting of blackcurrant, so it's quite different from the usual red wine that i consume - Cabernet Sauvignon, Shiraz and Merlot. So it's refreshing and tantalizing. And it's costly too. Cost my postgrad a bomb. He mentioned that every 10ml is about $1plus, so that amount to about $70+ for a 750ml bottle.

Sighh.. I miss the taste of that red wine. Much as I adhere to cocktails and beers (which is even at a rarer occasion), I realise that I enjoy much more the refinery in the taste of wine.

Ah, to wait for the second brother's much awaited opening ceremony of the Ice Wine, or should I more aptly say Eiswein. Well, for that to happen, I guess it doesn't take much understanding for his pretty girlfriend (soon to be wife; I'm waiting for that to happen too) to come to our house, and a very good reason for my belief being rooted that the wine is now currently at her place. *grinz.

bye bye NTU

that's what i've been waiting for, to announce to the whole wide world. but first i need to be sure, n i need to inform my boss first before i put anything up here. for someone who likes to google a lot, i'm not surprised if one day he lands at my site for inspection. hee... but the beans are out of the bag since Monday as i got my contract from ORI last Sat.

still, i feel somewhat sad at the prospect of leaving. kinda sad n hard to announce to ppl.. but i'd rather they hear it from me than from someone else, esp those closer friends i hv come to know here in NTU. so the ball is now set rolling n my last day of work is on 21 July.. break for the weekend before i start work at my new place on 24 July. i wonder how it wld b like there...

hmm.. a lot of question marks to be filled.

p/s: n also bye bye to my tagboard. it's somehow become heavily spammed, so now i've removed it..

a fortnight went by, then a month...
soon another month will follow suit.

and this will go on, so i must decide to blog NOW. ;)

today after my interview,
i saw a sis-in-Christ,
saw her from afar,
saw her being happy.

and because of that, i too, am happy for her.

let me breeze through what's been happening in my life thus far...

of shoes, sizes and socks:

went on fateful day to look out for running shoes with FK at Queenstown. felt like the shoe spirit has deserted that place. where have all the good shoes gone to? i was deciding on getting myself an asics. yea, gonna spent a load of money on that. thankfully none of the pattern appeal to me. n oso no other shoes for that matter. i decided to stick onto reebok, but Queenstown has a way of disappointing me with their reeboks variety.

ended up getting my reeboks from Royal Sporting House at my own place. then the size din really fit cos my big toe ached after i wore the shoes for the second time. had it changed at the store. n the manager in charge was kind enough to do for me, despite the obvious dirt marks on the sole. then he was smart enough to give me a feedback form to fill up, in which i rated 'excellent' for customer service.

then another day i went back to get some reeboks socks. finally i cant stand my old socks at home. almost all of them have holes in them. hehh.. decided to buy some nice looking ones - reeboks socks. it feels different when u wear nice socks. my feet agree too. ;P

of full month (12 March):

baby Steph (mark the corrected spelling of her name. no, i dun get to have her name spelt like the superstar Stefanie Sun, cos my mom wun approve of it) went thru her first month. we had a "little" celebration for her, ordered catering for some 50 ppl. so it was a busy Sunday, where i got bullied by a mere 4-year-old, perhaps younger, boy. FK can testify to that. my church family came too, at a much later time of the day when everyone else had gone off. :)

of sore throat (20 March onwards):

for the first time i could comprehend what it meant, or how it felt not being able to talk. it was out of my vocal cord to talk normal, and difficult even to talk above a whisper. n i just dreaded it when there was phone calls for me. thankfully this lasted a day. n til now, i still have coughs.

of interviews:

oh, for those uninformed, my previous interview with Dr Deng did not work out. i guess she found someone else much better n suited to her work. i'm just glad for her. n recently i have others, so i'm just hopeful and prayerful tt i'll get a job soon. :)

of GB enrolment (25 March):

yups, my first time wearing my full officer's uniform. hee.. n granted tt it's not mine, therefore not tailor fit to my size, it looked a little like a baby dress to me. hehee... cos the waist line is too high for me, n it's too broad too. but for the benefit of the girls n to WL who went to see me in uniform, i wore it. n tis weekend, for the HQ event, i'm NOT going to wear it again. hehhh.. i'll gladly go in my white shirt n black pants, thank you very much. not until i get my own uniform tt fits anyway. :P

but it feels good to be finally in uniform. ^^

allow me to welcome Lil SteFanie into my family!!!

she was borned weighing 2.909kg, 1315hr on Thurs 16 Feb 2006.

hee.. that was a happy day for me indeed. so happy that i took off from work once i could do so. i asked my boss for his permission, of cos. heee..

but strangely how ppl can react to my happiness, esp the two taxi drivers who took me to and away from KK hosp. in the joy n delight of seeing my new niece, i took a cab from school, and the malay driver shared in my joy too. in fact, i could almost see him tearing as i showed him the pix in my hp of my newborn niece. i bet i made his day, n he would hv good news to bring home that day.

then when i took another cab to go church, i told the taxi driver the same thing, but he caught from my accent that i was not local. then he started pouring to me all the woes of the Spore govt. haizz... i really dun know what to say to him tho i feel that he may hv felt injust at the way things are. my happiness was slightly dampened, n i could not express to him that there is joy in just being able to live every day. n much greater joy at the arrival of someone new in this world.

sadly people hear what they want to hear, n react according to what they hear.

o well.. lil Stefanie is now safe n sound at home. she arrived home yest afternoon though i wasnt ard to welcome her, i'm sure glad to hv her under the same roof now. heard her cute cry last night too.. she poo-pooed so needed cleaning up. hee.. then this morning before i went out, i saw her sleeping. *big sigh.. i'm beginning to love her so much already.

anyway, the past week, i've been committed to go church, to align my year to God's heart. for the first time, it felt this way to me. for once, it's more than just a sanctification week. all thanks to a brother, as i overheard him talking to another new sister. n of cos, to God. cos i believe that if He did not want me to hear it, i could hv just as well missed it. n stimes it's not that He did not want me to hear, it's that i refuse to hear. so sorry, God.

tonite, i shall go to listen to an alpha course in my fren's fren's church. haha.. i guess he did not want to go alone, so asked me to go as well. an interesting topic too: Christianity: Irrelevant in today's world?" it goes sth along that line. well, there's free dinner too.. but of cos, i'm going for more than just that. i wonder if there's supper too.. *hmm... hahaa.. kiddinz!

oh, n i'm still waiting for a reply from my job prospect. got some interesting ones tis weekend. shall start applying again tis week. :)

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

n yayy.. i got my first few ang pows when i went with my church network to go house visiting yesterday. i was so glad, and the parents were very generous too, considering that most of us met them only for the first time!... *thank God* for their hospitality!! i had a tummy-ful of new year goodies too.

so i was quite bloated when Lexpo and me hopped over to J's place to prepare dinner. Grocery shopping with the guys were fun. they were just as clueless as i was about what to get, what to put into wantons. thanks to FK, who wasnt ard! :P

well, cooking tgether is always fun. so we had a good time, of yu-sheng n wantons. the wantons were not too successful, but it just means tt there are room for improvement. hee.. next time, i must check out the proper ingredients on the internet before attempting to cook. *grinz.. n we had overload of vegs, n we were very stuffed at the end of it all. *burp!

n i had to rush off after that for another yu-sheng with my family. yesh, yesterday was the official day to have the yu-sheng. tho i initially arranged to do it a day earlier with my family but my 2nd bro was on-call so we changed to yesterday. WL was invited to come over too. *big grinz. well, he survived! yayyy.. hahaa.. :D

back track some more: on Mon 30th Jan, i had a mini open house, esp for the sisters n Irene's girls. sister Joy n her momie came to my house. yayyy.. good to get her momie to know my momie. so next time they can go out n play, n me n sister Joy can go elsewhere to shop. *opps.. :P it was a good time tho i felt that my house lacked the festivity somehow. perhaps my family hasnt really celebrated CNY much over the years.

okieokie, i think i hv recorded down most of the major events of the past weeks. think from now onwards, i shall blog fortnightly. unless i hv sth impt to announce. nahh... it's not what most of u are thinking.. esp those waiting to get ang pows from me. :P

the way to start a Lunar New Year, is to end it with an interview.

*grinz. just had my first job interview for this year, at biochem. The lady prof shocked me when she called me on Thurs. Okie, the story goes like this:

Thursday morning 1030plus: "hey, i shd call her up and see if she's ard" *took out my handphone then decided to check my calendar* "hey, i'm sposed to call her on Fri, as I hv set it. okie, call her tmr lo"

Thursday afternoon 5plus: "hey, got 2 missed calls, from 6874--- oh, NUS number.. hm, mus b WL la..." went to lab office to make phone call. then a thought came to mind that i shd chk the voicemail first but i dismissed that thought as soon as it was formed, telling myself: 'nah, it's WL.. i'll jus call him'.

On the phone: "Hi, can i speak to WL?"... heard confusion on the other side. "Oh, this is NUS, yups? Which lab is this?".. a muffled sound of dunno-which lab.. "Erm, this is not Mechanical Engineering?".. a clearcut no.. "Oh, who are you?".. a very clear mention of name.. "Ah, DR DENG!"...

*haiz... n it was a bad start, bad impression, bad whatsoever.. haha.. but it was funny the way things turn out at times. so i had to talk to her in my lab office, which was relatively noisy, n i had to keep my voice down because i did not want anyone to find out. n i din chk the email she sent me on Wed to arrange for an interview tis morning. so another *haiz.. i need to beef myself up better next time so that such instances do not happen too often. :P

so, the interview.. she brought along a Dr Tan, and he was the one asking all the tough questions. i'd better be more prepared next time. all in all, i can say that it was a fruitful interview because i got to know her expectation, that she wants someone who's more than jus doing her RA duty, more like a student as well. she cant promise me a part-time Masters, n i assured her tt the degree can wait, so she need not b too worried on that issue. i see that she's a very dedicated prof, n i like her. i think i can work well under her. so pls God, let that person be me!

she'll reply me in 2 wks' time, n yes, she has other ppl to interview. but i appreciate the effort she took jus to come down to NUS to meet me this morning. o God, pls let that person be me!

n she even bothered at the end of the interview, as she was showing me the way out, to explain to me why Dr Tan was quite hard on my academic performance in NUS, was cos he was from the same college (VJC) as me last time. she gave me the impression tt the capping did not matter much to her. n i really hope tt's true. many ppl are in need of second chances. i'm not any less. so pls pls God, let me be the person.

n an even more hopeful tone: may all of u have a blessed Chinese New Year!!! :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

yayaya, i know it's the 7th day into the new year, but still, it's a new year, as long as 2006 is here to stay.. hehee..

had a most fun time celebrating the end of 2005 mostly with my sisters from cell, FK (a sister to me, in our special way), n my brothers WL n Seanie (brothers to me, in a special way too.. ;))!! hee.. i'm most glad tt Seanie made his way down all the way from KL to be with us!

we went to the Star Wars exibition. tho i'm not a ra-ra fan of Star Wars but i've watched every episode, esp the older ones with Princess Leia where Harrison Ford has never looked any better (He looks good in Indiana Jones too). so i enjoyed myself when i saw all the miniature models of the characters, n the space ships.. i mus admit tho, the guys mus hv been more thrilled over it, than us girls.. haha.. i cant wait to see all the photos we've taken there.. huhu.. (note to Seanie: send us the photos soon! :))

then at night, we had potluck-style dinner at my place. we took a while to cook the dishes, but it was well worth the wait! hehe.. n the guests got to watch Madagascar while waiting. hee.. after din, we sat ard, laze n daze a while, waiting for the food to digest.. the guests took turn to view my HK photos plus my sister's big family in Sri Aman. hee.. n onli when FK n Steff went off, then the action began. haha.. i decided that the food shd b well digested by then, so we could take out the dance pad to play. i bought a new wireless one from Sim Lim that same day so that two players could go at one time. however, wireless may not be such a great option bcos the wireless connection may be blamed for slow response to the PS2.. heee...

it was jolly fun to see the sisters dancing.. their first time, i tink. nyanyaa.. too bad din take any photo shots of them. i'm sure they had fun. n mb we can do this again another time... *grinz.. Seanie n WL danced v well. i still cant believe they can beat me in beginner mode. haha.. mus challenge them again next time.

then we had countdown, based on an unreliable clock. hahaa.. couldnt switch on TV on time to do countdown with the rest of Spore, n we din pop the grape juice in time either. yet it was still an unforgettable time together with my dear frens, with momie too. :) we blew each candle after making a wish. hehh.. seems like everyone grew a year older after new year. :P

haiz.. the days with Sean in Spore may b short, but it was great. good to hv him down here. i wish he'd come down more often. then again, thinking from the currency exchange rate, mb it's more profitable for me to go up to KL. hee.. shall see how. i still hvnt got over my bad impression of KL when i went down there with a tour group last time.

went JB with my postgrad on 2nd Jan. felt like it's my 1st time in JB tho. i went ard the place with them, went to Danga Bay, then to the Duty Free Area where we had our seafood dinner. that was the highlight of the day -- to eat seafood. cos my postgrad frens are not too keen on shopping or watching movies, which are the two main things tt i go down JB for. anyway, we all ended up happy with the seafood cos it was rather cheap for 4 persons, n we ate loads! hehe.. i'm certainly glad that my appetite has returned after my diarrhea session..

but now i'm down with cough.. err... gone with one, now down with another. i wonder when i will really b well again. i cant wait to function fully n enjoy life. i'm still quite restricted now in the food that i take. but that din stop me from eating my boss' wife's homebaked hazelnut cookies.. *yumz.. richly topped with chocolate n filled with caramel. a lil too sweet, but i'm not complaining. heee.. mb tt's why my cough lasted so long.. *hee.. guilty.. :P

i've really over-typed. my apologies to my readers. i'll keep my blog short n sweet next time, n make more frequent entries. hee.. i've been neglecting my blog, but i hvnt set any new year resolution yet. so we shall see.. hehh.. :)

a final update: there's a new addition to my lab. we finally hv a new PO. someone who can help share my burden in maintaining the lab. she still needs some time to get used to the ropes ard the lab, so i'm not tt harsh on her yet. on top of that she's sorta like my lunch partner now. i hope we dun create too much friction on each other due to the amount of time we spent tgther.. i guess in a while, when things hv settled down for her, it will be better. :)